Are you a better person?

[Lalwendë]

Am I a better person? That's quite difficult to answer for two reasons: firstly, it's hard to judge yourself in quite that way objectively, so I can only really answer subjectively; and secondly, it was such a long time ago that I first read LotR, that I find it hard to remember what I was like before then! But I did read it at a very important stage in my life and I don;t doubt it was one of the many many things which were affecting and influencing me. I read it as I entered my teenage years, that time when we are all engaged in the struggle to define ourselves and find our place in the world. And I also found a place in Middle Earth. Those years are the perfect years to discover Tolkien, I think, as he gives us not only a refuge from the turmoils we go through, but he has a profound influence.

As I said elsewhere yesterday, I have always been fascinated by history, due in no small measure to my parents' gift of that enthusiasm, but after reading LotR I developed the need to discover more about our ancient history, where we came from and the significance of what remains. At that age I was becoming more aware of the world around me as I tried to find my 'place' within it, rather than just my place within my family (which is what our childhood usually consists of) and part of that discovery was done with the thoughts of Ents and Hobbits and Elves in my head, and I developed a deeper appreciation of nature.

As Child says in her wise words here:

Perhaps if I hadn't been chasing after faerie, I would have become a world renown medical doctor and discovered a cure for some deadly disease . Seriously, I will leave such a broad assessment to the wisdom of providence.

Maybe I would have followed a different path in life if I had not read Tolkien. At that time I was about to decide on what to specialise in at school, and this decision would affect my life. Instead of taking sciences as my father had hoped I might, I took humanities. I would have found it impossible to decide (I was a bit of a Hermione Granger, wanting to learn everything ) if I hadn't been influenced by Tolkien. And eventually his influence led me to daring to apply for Oxford, quite outrageous considering my humble background. I developed an interest in words and language, in poetry, in myth and the myriad of religious and philosophical possibilities.

I would say, all in all, that the act of fate that day when I sneaked into my brother's room and stole his books led me ultimately to becoming a questioning person, often filled with a sense of wonder and magic, and that one act has now led me to much, much more, of such significance that I struggle to comprehend it. If this makes me a better person I don't know, but it certainly makes me a much happier person.