Barrow Downs Products

[Lalwendë]

In response to popular demand, i've started this hopefully mirthful thread.

Now, we have seen Boromir 88's thread on action figures you'd like to see. But what about Barrow-Downer action figures?

Mine would definitely be in a blue spangly box, and be called Space Cadet Lalwende. The accessories would include some vague text on cosmology, a pack of little tiny ciggies and a big spider. It would be like one of those Hobbit action figures, slightly smaller than the normal figures.

But what about other Barrow-Downs merchandise?

How about little packets of luminous green matchsticks to help keep our eyes open after endless hours online? Or Barrow-Downs damp cloths to soothe furrowed brows after reading something from the C thread?

[Nimrodel_9]

I would like to add "Giggle Calming Pills" for Middle-earth Mirth threads.
"Have you ever started laughing and not been able to stop? Try Giggle Calming Pills! Instantly stops laughter. Take 1 to stop laughing for 30 seconds so that you can take a breath. 2 will stop the laughter for 2 minutes. Just enough to move on to the next post! Giggle Calming Pills! Side effects include: drowsiness, hairy feet, hysteria, and strange coughing noises in throat. Gollum gollum!"

[Morai]

If I had an action figure, it would probably be a really cheesy one. (Hopefully it would look like me, unlike some action figures and there namesakes.) The toy would wear baggy cargo pants and a t-shirt. It would come with a computer, cd player and cds and some books. Interesting features would include:
~push a button and hear me say "Jello!"
~move arms and my fingers will type
~Head bobbles with music.

As for other Barrowdowns products, how about a t-shirt that reads "My other tombstone is my signature." (If that makes any sense at all.)

[The Saucepan Man]

Cutting and pasting from the original thread:

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

How about a HerenIstarion the Munificent™ figure with thread bumping action. He is programmed to recognise clever remarks, which cause him to wave his magic repping wand.

Or a Barrow-Wight™ figure with thread deleting action, programmed to make a wry comment when you say something stupid. Oh, and he glows green in the dark.

And there's always the burrahobbit™ action figure - suitable for (very) short but effective periods of play.

But be careful with the obloquy™ figure. It tears new additions to your collection to shreds if they don't shape up.

[Lalwendë]

I have just put in a patent for The Barrow-Downer DVD Mate TM. This product is a little wraith shaped thingy which sits on top of the TV and by magic (i.e. infra-red) detects those times when a LotR DVD is watched. It is a labour saving device as it shouts random criticisms while any of the films is watched, thus saving us our breath. Selected phrases include: "But of course, it would be much better if they had kept Tom Bombadil", "That should be Glorfindel, not XenArwen rescuing Frodo", and "This portrayal of Denethor is incorrect".

I also want a Moderator action figure. It is a vague shaped thing, it looks different every time you look at it and is faintly scary, and it has a little button on the back you can press, making it say it's phrases "Let's get back on topic" and "This thread has been closed".

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Don't forget the cuddly skwerlz that accompany the moderator action figures - they can talk too! They are programmed to speak one of five different sentences:

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

How about the Lalwende/Mithalwen dolls twin set? It comes with a mini-game where both dolls rapidly collect little green blocks.

And who could resist the Fordim/davem warrior set? Kids used to play battles with their Aragorn and Sauron figures, but no more....

[Sapphire_Flame]

'Downer/PPC Agent two-packs! Three different sets to collect:

Morgul Queen/Agent Darkling pack: Comes with a copy of "Braindead", a bottle of Bleeprin™, and two mini-balrogs! Push the buttons on their backs to hear dozens of random sayings and quotes! Set them to "Sneaky Mode" and watch them think up strange and unusual plots!

luthien_tinuviel/Agent Maly pack: Comes with an assortment of sporks, chords, and a mirror! Infrared sensors allow them to sense when the other is nearby, and instigate bizzare conversations! (Get the soon-to-be released Mippin/Agent Dagmar pack for even more insane fun!)

Sapphire_Flame/Agent Takua pack: Comes with a GBA SP, a panel of genuine xenomorph hive wall, and a mini-balrog! Agent Takua figure features Shapeshifting Action™; watch her transform from human to xenomorph and back in mere moments! (And watch for the new Special Edition set, featuring Agent Nazurk figure and the colth!)



Abedithon le,

~ Saphy ~

[Boromir88]

I'm afraid my action figure, no one will get,. Sort of an inside joke with some friends. But, for one that everyone will understand (hopefully)....

B88 action figure- If you pull his tail he will spurt of random cheesy sayings like....make like a tree and leaf, or make like a bakery truck and haul buns. Either that, he'll go into a mindless ramble no one will understand .

The Lalwende doll, stick it in some jello and it will test the wellness, density, and if one could stand in a tub of jello without sinking .

Edit: For an extra $2, on the B88 doll, you can get the added feature of programming it to say random lines from the Blue Collar Comedy tour comedians. Even the feature if someone asks a stupid question, he'll say "Here's your sign."

Ahhh, I love them Blue Collar guys

[Morai]

Another useful product:
A chip that can be implanted into your brain, as long as you pay the hefty price. It automatically equips you with the photographic memory of the books and/or movies, depending on which version you purchase. Other bonuses include tidbits about J.R.R. Tolkien and more! Buy now and never have to worry about inaccuracy in your posts again!

[Oddwen]

New from Barrowdowns-products! The Oddwen/Nilpaurion Fegalund/Meneltarmacil pack! Get them near any of Tolkien's writings, and they will immediately start to parody it in wild and wacky ways!

As a bonus, Nilpaurion Fegalund comes pre-programmed with his alter ego, Adam! Participate as Oddwen and Meneltarmacil slowly go insane!

[Boromir88]

Get yourself a gil-galad action figure, he makes puns out of everything . He gets to the point of making a pun at everything you just want to PUNch, him back .

[Gil-Galad]

its not dolls its action-figures!!!

Pun-fu action Gil-Galad figures...very interesting...plus i can come in a special burnination edition too...

[Maeggaladiel]

I want the Maeggaladiel action figure for Christmas. Place her in front of her miniature computer and she will sit and stare blankly at the screen for hours upon end! Oh, the excitement!

And who could forget the amazing Barrow Downs BARROWVISION GLASSES! Simply put them on when you feel like you've been away from the Downs for too long, and VIOLA! Everything turns black and green! You'll be feeling "all Wight" in no time at all!

Is your real life getting in the way of your "Downs Time?" Ever wish there was some way to be in two places at once? WELL NOW YOU CAN! Thanks to the Barrow Downs Holo-Wight, you can create a holographic you to go to work, sit in on classes, attend social functions, etc., while you can sit at home and talk on the Downs! Huzzah!

Lastly we have the AMAZING BOX O' SMILES! A boxed set of twelve cards containing copies of authentic Barrow Smiles. Let's face it: Why express emotion with your own face when you could do it with these faces? Ever find yourself wishing you had that certain smiley dude when you're speaking to people in that strange realm known as the "Real World?" HA! Don't we all? Does it feel odd to be communicating and expressing emotion with your face instead of your fingers? Well, those days are over, fellow undeads! Just hold up your desired emotion mid-sentence and soon you'll feel right at home! Reserve those facial muscles for when you really need them.

[Lalwendë]

How about the Lalwende/Mithalwen dolls twin set? It comes with a mini-game where both dolls rapidly collect little green blocks.

And they would, of course, be able to talk. But the Mithalwen one would come with more outfits.

The Eomer of the Rohirrim action figure would have a wry smile and be programmed to come out with witty one-liners.

The Boromir88 action figure would come ready packed with a little box of fireworks - of course, it would be hard to find one in future years where the little fireworks were unused, so they would be most expensive in years to come.

[tar-ancalime]

Let's not forget the accessories!

Buy the Playsets of Glory for your Downer action figures (oh, come off it, they're dolls!) and watch them move from one to the next as their reputations grow!

The Road Goes Ever On and On Starter Kit: for those brand-new Downers starting the path to adventure. Comes with plenty of Scotch tape to hold together their piles o' bones and animated skeletons.

Great Smials Party Time Adventure: only the cleverest Tooks may live here (no fools allowed). Comes with real working bathtubs!

Watch My Garden Grow: plant the seeds in the pots provided and see the miracle of the mallorn. (Not for the faithless. Use only as directed. Actual results may vary.)

Rolling Stone Gift Set: Watch your Downers travel the world in this scale model of Middle-Earth. Comes with Narya AND poseable Shadowfax with brushable mane and tail!

Bag End Rescue Kit: Save Bag End from the ruffians and the Sackville-Bagginses! Comes with writing-desk, large red book, and special nine-fingered gloves. (Some experience required: this play set is not compatible with all Downer action figures; check your label before attempting play.)

Throne of Gondor Palace Playtime: Poseable Elessar and Arwen figures decked out in their finest can greet your Downer action figure in this newest Barrow-Downs playset. Throne of Gondor Palace Playtime sets are fast becoming the most popular accessories on your block! (Not compatible with most Downer action figures.)

[Morai]

I say we all need this at one time or another:
Friend Zapper 3000 : Ever get sick of your naive non-LOTR-fan pals asking you questions or making unintelligent comments while your reading the books or watching the movies? By the Friend Zapper 3000! Never have to worry again about missing your favorite scene or loosing your place in the tiny print and large paragraphs. When your companion cannot stop their tounge from forming endless blather, simply push a button and a electric shock will silence them momentarily. Comes equipped with duct tape for extreme circumstances and sedatives. (Warning sedatives may cause drowsiness, and side effects of Zapper include but are not limited to: pain, shocking sensations, numbness, and irrability. Manufacturers not responsible for angry friends.)

Meh, maybe they won't sell like hot-cakes. Moaning and screaming might actually be more annoying then the talking.

[Vuelve]

I want The Saucepan Man action figure complete with pots and pans that bang and clang.I also want an Estelyn Telcontar action figure that strangely looks like Princess Pheona.
sorry for any bad spelling please don't let the Skewrlz loose on me.

[Saraphim]

Personally, I'd like a Saraphim action figure, because it comes to haunt the Downs only on days that conspicously coincide with school holidays!

Also, I'd purchase the Barrow-Dictionary at-a-glance. For the times when you're on the go with nowhere to look up obscure LotR terms!

[Lhunardawen]

Want to invent your own ending of the Fordim-Mithalwen duel in this thread? You can now buy the aptly-called Fordim-Mithalwen action figures set, complete with the infamous gauntlet, plus pistols and swords to choose from...and create an alternate dialogue! With a free gardening set, should your Mithalwen still decide to resort to gardening! (You can use the gauntlet for that purpose instead.)

And since it is the holiday season, you get a free luke10_27...I mean mark12_30 doll to serve as overseer-slash-cheerer!

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

And they would, of course, be able to talk. But the Mithalwen one would come with more outfits.

The Eomer of the Rohirrim action figure would have a wry smile and be programmed to come out with witty one-liners.

The Boromir88 action figure would come ready packed with a little box of fireworks - of course, it would be hard to find one in future years where the little fireworks were unused, so they would be most expensive in years to come.

? I don't have that many clothes...... And while the feminist streak revulses against being depicted as a DOLL even in jest ... I can promise that owners of a Mithalwen Doll would never be able to find its shoes In combination with Lalwende ? - flattering (save that I would be the big clumsy figure in comparison)and might just stop me being remaindered- but what a lot of wild red hair!!!!! Actually think I would have to be more of an inaction figure or a cuddly toy. And if Lal is accessorized with a packet of fags I would need a bottle of Merlot... Eat your hearts out Patsy and Edina... the Mithalwen figure would have a repertoire of flippant remarks and performance would be generally erratic...

The Eomer action figure would of course be accompanied by a suite of screaming fangirls.

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Lhunardawen

Want to invent your own ending of the Fordim-Mithalwen duel in this thread? You can now buy the aptly-called Fordim-Mithalwen action figures set, complete with the infamous gauntlet, plus pistols and swords to choose from...and create an alternate dialogue! With a free gardening set, should your Mithalwen still decide to resort to gardening! (You can use the gauntlet for that purpose instead.)

This one quite appeals (despite the feminist misgivings) Just 2 alternative outfits - I rather see myself in a duelling costume ala Onegin ..... black is so flattering and a nice long frock coat would be good ... the gardening clothes would be rather less elegant... so Mith might give up on the dedication to a life of non-violence...

[Lalwendë]

? I don't have that many clothes...... And while the feminist streak revulses against being depicted as a DOLL even in jest ... I can promise that owners of a Mithalwen Doll would never be able to find its shoes In combination with Lalwende ? - flattering (save that I would be the big clumsy figure in comparison)and might just stop me being remaindered- but what a lot of wild red hair!!!!! Actually think I would have to be more of an inaction figure or a cuddly toy. And if Lal is accessorized with a packet of fags I would need a bottle of Merlot... Eat your hearts out Patsy and Edina... the Mithalwen figure would have a repertoire of flippant remarks and performance would be generally erratic...

How do you know I wouldn't be the clumsy one? With all that red hair the dolls would have to be packaged with a hair brush, and some camomile tea to calm them down! Or they could even come packaged with a Moderator figure to stop them talking off-topic too much...

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Because of my unimaginitive and confusing screenname, I think that most kids would be disappointed when purchasing the Eomer of the Rohirrim figure.

Something along the lines of; "But I wanted the hot blonde one..."

I do have the proper Eomer action figure. He stands on my desk looking lordly.

[Mithalwen]

Lal - I am a major league klutz - I ran myself over once, that is hard to beat! Andsomeone suggested that I needed Chrysanthemum tea to calm my fiery temper in line with the principles of Chinese medicine - it was righteous anger I swear

Eomer - we all know you are completely irresistable ... and we know your doll would be dressed in a kilt..

I do have the Legolas doll - was going to fire his little arrows at people who annoyed me at work... oh the joys of an open plan office

[Lalwendë]

Lal - I am a major league klutz - I ran myself over once, that is hard to beat!

How?! Did you leave the handbrake off with the engine running? I call myself an 'oaf' because I'm so clumsy and messy. The Lalwende action figure would have to come complete with highly detailed dinner medals; only last week I sent half a plate of salad flying up the wall in a restaurant. This is why I mainly wear black.

[Mithalwen]

No the engine wasn't running at the time......

Black does mark though ... scarves are good..... I now never drink coffee at interviews having had to practically wash a shirt at Southampton station once. Fortunately it was silk and the interview was in Bath...on a rare hot day..

[Morai]

Lal - I am a major league klutz - I ran myself over once, that is hard to beat!

How?! Did you leave the handbrake off with the engine running? I call myself an 'oaf' because I'm so clumsy and messy.

One time I was ran over by an overhead projector, though I won't go into it, unless someone asks.

Anywho, since both of you consider yourselves klutzes, would your dolls come with helmets, bandaids, headache medicine etc? Don't worry, I'm a clumsy one too, I run into walls on occasion.

[Elennar Starfire]

The Eomer of the Rohirrim action figure would have a wry smile and be programmed to come out with witty one-liners.

Stalkers sold seperately.

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Eomer - we all know you are completely irresistable ... and we know your doll would be dressed in a kilt...

With teaspoon-conjuring action!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

My action figure sounds quite good actually. Plus, all those add-ons would be quite expensive, resulting in many royalties for me.

I would definitely buy the Kransha action figure for my mother, because she enjoys poetry, and this figure would spout lovely poetry all day. There would be two buttons on his back, one for nice rhymes, and another for the more disturbing variety. Come to think of it, parental guidance would be necessary.

[Boromir88]

Stalkers sold seperately.

Plus, all those add-ons would be quite expensive, resulting in many royalties for me.

Ahh, but there is another add on, you can also get the dreaded Voice of Eomer. Who will never cease manipulating people until he has all living things under his rule .

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Feanor of the Peredhil: sold complete with helmet and pads. Does not play well with teenage-girl dolls, and prefers the title "action figure". Hair magically changes colour every few months! Buy now, right at this moment, and your very own Fea doll will come complete with tiny IV pinpricks!

Buy an Elennar Starfire action figure and receive complementary guide to British slang!

Fea

[Lalwendë]

The davem action figure is packaged within one of those little snow globes. Shake him up a bit and lots of little irridescent green rep points fall all around him in great drifts like intellectual snow. He comes ready made with lots of clever sayings but every now and then he likes to wind up the other action figures by winning at verbal chess and trying to scare them with threats of negative rep. If your new action figure malfunctions in this way just get a ruler out and brandish it at him, for he will soon fall quiet.

[Nimrodel_9]

Stalkers sold seperately.

Heh heh...

Mithalwen Doll- Complete with car to run her over with.

[Lhunardawen]

Feanor of the Peredhil: sold complete with helmet and pads. Does not play well with teenage-girl dolls, and prefers the title "action figure". Hair magically changes colour every few months! Buy now, right at this moment, and your very own Fea doll will come complete with tiny IV pinpricks!

Maybe this one could come complete with newbies...

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Maybe this one could come complete with newbies...

Hehe. Mean. In that case:

Your Brand Spanking New Fea doll will also come complete

with complimentary big brother, the Keeper of Dol Guldur

Action Figure!

Keeper figures come with "No Side-Long Glance" laser-beams, with the sole purpose to *psheeeeew* out the eyes of those foolish enough to glance side-long at Little Sister Fea in his presence. And much like Big Brother Government, you may not see him, but he's always there.

*Keeper figures also come with lightsaber, charcoal pencils, sketchbook, and penchant for buggery. One should not purchase a Keeper for small children, as they do not mix well.*

Fea

PS: mwahahahahaha

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

As suggested by Boromir on the Reputation Thread, we could soon be able to purchase the BarrowDowns Dream Manipulator. While I am suspicious that 2 or 3 are already in existence and use (I mean, why else would davem, Saucepan and Fordim be at the top of the reputation list?) there could soon be an influx of the beasts, and you too could climb up the ladder.

Manipulate other Barrowdowners dreams, plant seeds into their minds and suggest, nay demand, that they rate your posts, even the terrible posts that even you consider to be worthless. Because the repuation system matters.

Don't listen to HerenIstarion, or even the HerenIstarion action figure that comes with these words of warning as well. The reputation system is competition. Only the strong survive. Those unwilling to lie and cheat their way to the top will be lost in the shuffle.

The Dream Manipulator, the new best accomplice for bloodlust and glory this Christmas.

[Gil-Galad]

i'm not getting mad at anyone, but how about making products on other members, not just yourself, it'll make the thread more interesting and fun!

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Nimrodel_9

Mithalwen Doll- Complete with car to run her over with.

Bit harsh .... It was just the once - I don't make a habit of it.....wish I had never mentioned it now....

[Morsul the Dark]

let's see....

Morsul the Dark/Gil-Galad battle pack: Now you at home can find out who is the strongest whether it be Morul the Dark wizard or Trodgor the Burninator.
Morsul comes with glowing staff and special Avvie switching action
Gil-Galad comes with simulated fire breath!.


SaucePanMan: The man with pan on his head hours of fun for the kids comes with three types of pans each with their own catch phrase!

Morsul/Perky Ent Power pack: Decide who will control the fate of Middle Earth whether it be the evil wizard Morsul or the Peaceful Perky ent. Only you can decide! look for my Good or Evil thread to understand this one

Estelyn GI Skewrls: Protect the Barrowdowns from the evils of bad grammer and repeat threads.