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Old 07-10-2020, 04:15 AM   #45
Huinesoron
Overshadowed Eagle
 
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,781
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Throwing another half-song onto the field: this one was hard! I forgot how fast Beren and Luthien sing.

The Meeting of Beren and Luthien

BEREN:
The forest is worn, lost is its green
Raiment
I had a band, loyal and keen
All gone.
I had to flee the shadow that fell
The last out
Shielding my kin, my soul a mere shell
Near done.

Death was my constant companion
Only reason I lived - her plan!
Company turning to mud, fallen
Mud and swamps of our forest homeland

How you have tangled your paths
Forest!
Where are my kin and my house?
Whither?
The enemy's howling has died away
Behind me
Here is my blood, fresh on the earth
Bleeding

Silver the moon points his bow at my back, aiming
You have become a weed in the marsh, wilting
Why do you weep, Son of Beor, brave one?
Where did they fall, where are they buried, kindred?

LUTHIEN:
You came from the darkened woods
I thought you a wild beast
You lay in a grassy pool
I thought you the early snow
A shadow was at your back...
And the cold of winter had gathered round
Like a frost on the Gates of Morn
That had spread to your weary brow.

BEREN:
The shadow that followed behind was my forthcoming death!

LUTHIEN:
I heard you speak of death
And it aged me a thousand years
I banished her once, but by Eru's grace
I had never known her touch!
When she came her breath made the leaves turn brown
And fall to the ground like tears
Is she your betrothed, with ebon gown
That she follows you, longs for you so much?

BEREN:
Betrothed indeed, and my kindred before me as well-!

LUTHIEN:
I'm touching your wounds, I'm feeling your blood
And the beat of my heart is thunder
You slept as the years flowed past like a stream
I grew weary of counting time!
I am reading your fate like an open book
But the words I read are too crude
Your language is flat like the distant sky
Forever out of reach


I know there are syllables dropping all over the place, but I can't work out how many. I'd appreciate a pointer for any particularly egregious lines. I finally see what you mean about 'й' being a problem; it took me until right now to realise why Beren's 'the shadow is death' line wasn't matching up.

I've stopped in the middle because... well, that's how far I've got, and I need to know how far it's gone wrong. As far as I can tell there's not a lot of rhyming in this song, but I'm worried there might be some strange internal rhymes floating around.

hS
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