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Originally Posted by Huinesoron
- Are the ships wandering in the sky the Sun and Moon? If so, is it "their gold" in the following line? And either way, can we do "have wandered" (to avoid the did verb)?
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To be honest I'm not perfectly sure what the ships were from a canonical perspective - cause previously Teleri ships were still sitting on a waterline, right? But I am totally for "have wandered".
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Originally Posted by Hui
- "And glowing / upon my shoulder dawn's mark bright" has always kind of bugged me. I enlisted the whole family, and went back to the original Russian (via GTranslate), and we came up with "And glowing / Dawn brands my shoulder[s] [hot/fierce/sharp] and bright". What do you think?
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Hmm. I am a fan of "brand", but don't like the structure of "[adjective] and [adjective]" at the end. "Dawn brands my shoulder with ray bright"? "Dawn's gold ray brands my shoulder bright"?
On the subject of lyrics, I keep flip-flopping about "Those daring / to love can walk unscathed through strife". I suppose it does fit into the "love conquers all" theme, but mainly it's there to provide a rhyme for Finrod's despodent " What deed could justofy my life", which I am really fond of. As a more objective reader/viewer, does this line bother you at all?