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Old 07-19-2020, 02:37 PM   #128
Huinesoron
Overshadowed Eagle
 
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,780
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Running through the rest of the tinkering, then we'll see where we get to.

Missed this on 'Captivity':

The price for which my honour to defame
To trample in the dust [to ravage and defile] my last possession.
Don't lie to me that you guessed not my name!
Don't lie to me that your price is excessive!


I think my replacement The price you've set, my honour to defame still fits well, and either 'trample' or 'ravage' works. That last line... is he trying to say 'Don't try and say the price is too high, I will pay it?'. But in that case, the 'price' is the cost of preserving his honour - is that right? As in 'I will suffer through this gladly if it lets me fulfil my oath'?

-Shameless and stark

I don't even think 'shameless' is the right word any more. How about 'With cunning arts'? Evoking Saruman's voice (by association with Orthanc 'The Cunning Mind'), and the making of swords (art = craft). I think I like that.

-And forgive all oaths / When to West Wind he was restored

How about 'Who forgave all oaths'? The second line works nicely, and ties in well with 'Wind' itself. Actually, there's a lot of links between Amarie's song and Galadriel's, which only makes sense!

-All other tweaks: sure!

(As to Teenrod and Dadron - SNORT. And thank you for the comment on the 'song-spoken glory' line - I worked hard on that one!)

hS
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