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Old 12-26-2018, 04:50 PM   #20
gandalf85
Wight
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
gandalf85 has just left Hobbiton.
I think this chapter came together nicely. For what it's worth, I also agree that option A) was the best choice with respect to the ring-giving debate. I had always read "before he died" as referring to some unspecified time long before his death. Some comments:

1) This sentence is really long, and with the addition the parallelism of the original first sentence is gone:

Quote:
These were the chief dwellings of the Númenóreans in Gondor, but other works marvelous and strong they built in the land in the days of their power, at the Argonath, and at Aglarond, and at LA-SL-04 {Erech} <LotR, Book I, Chapter 11 the Hill of Erech {. Long had the terror of the Dead lain upon that hill and upon the empty fields about it. For} upon the top stood a black stone, round as a great globe, the height of a man, though its half was buried in the ground.
I propose:

Quote:
These were the chief dwellings of the Númenóreans in Gondor, but other works marvelous and strong they built in the land in the days of their power, at the Argonath, and at Aglarond, and at LA-SL-04b {Erech} <LotR, Book I, Chapter 11 the Hill of Erech. {Long had the terror of the Dead lain upon that hill and upon the empty fields about it.} For upon the top of this hill stood a black stone, round as a great globe, the height of a man, though its half was buried in the ground.
2) I think there should be a transition between the paragraph describing the Silvan Elves (LA-SL-12) and the next paragraph. Everything seems hopeless in (B]LA-SL-12[/B] and then it says the host had the victory. I propose:

Quote:
LA-SL-12<The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; Appendix B Despite the desire of the Silvan Elves ... rushing forward at the head of his most doughty warriors before Gil-galad had given the signal for the advance.>
LA-SL-12.5{The} Nonetheless, the host of Gil-galad and Elendil had the victory...
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