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ArcusCalion · 12-11-2018, 11:50 AM

I actually like this much better, nice job Fin! Only two comments:

CGC-SL-13.5: the initial 'But' should be changed to a 'Thus' to make the texts flow together more smoothly. In the old draft we did this, and I think it is worth doing again here.

CGC-SL-13.2: where it says 'and a fair name' I think we should change it to 'and other fair names' since we have already in the draft said he took the name Annatar when he went to other places (of which there are only Eregion and Lorinand) so it makes sense that he would use all three names in Eregion. But we don't need to repeat Annatar here, but I think we should acknowledge its existence as a valid name. This I think that small change is for the best.

12-11-2018, 11:50 AM	#15
ArcusCalion Quentingolmo Join Date: Aug 2017 Posts: 525	I actually like this much better, nice job Fin! Only two comments: CGC-SL-13.5: the initial 'But' should be changed to a 'Thus' to make the texts flow together more smoothly. In the old draft we did this, and I think it is worth doing again here. CGC-SL-13.2: where it says 'and a fair name' I think we should change it to 'and other fair names' since we have already in the draft said he took the name Annatar when he went to other places (of which there are only Eregion and Lorinand) so it makes sense that he would use all three names in Eregion. But we don't need to repeat Annatar here, but I think we should acknowledge its existence as a valid name. This I think that small change is for the best. Last edited by ArcusCalion; 12-11-2018 at 12:07 PM.