First of all: ArcusCalion I appreciate the hard work you put into this chaper very much. It is really nicely edited even so I have a few points of critisem, the overall feedback I would like to give is: very good!
To emphasis this farther see that I have only one small point of critisem for the editing in special, the rest is more general or structural. I know my own work how very hard it is to keep structural or general points in mind while editing.
I start with some global points of the structure:
As first remark: In a pseudo historical point of view the ‘War of the Ring’ began with the synchronized attaks on Thranduil’s realm (to catch back Gollum) and Osgiliath (to allow the Nazgûl to cross Anduin). Thus all the actions in the last and in this chapter are actually part of the War of the Ring. If we find that useful we could therefor take ‘The War of the Ring’ as an over title including everything beginning with ‘The Hunt for the Ring’ or even earlier (see below).
Some of the actions described are not very much warlike, and thus we might us the title ‘The War of the Ring’ in smaller sense, as you, ArcusCalion, did, but at least for
The Battles of the Fords of Isen we should consider to move them to that next chapter.
Second remark: Bilbo’s birthday party and disappearance can not be told here, in the middle of the actual hunt for the Ring! I think we should separate
RSO-SL-01 & the first paragraph of
RSO-SL-02 (named in that new position
RSO-SL-01.5) and put them before
TS-SL-14. Together I would then separate these from
The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen into a chapter of its own headed
The Shadow Grows. If we do so we must edit the beginning of the second paragraph of
RSO-SL-02 a bit different (see below under
HR-SL-01.5).
One last point of structural critisem: The Hunt for the Ring ended with the defeat of the Nazgûl in the Battle of the Ford of Bruinen. And not when Frodo set out from Hobbiton. I could agree to an inclusion of a bit more like the results of the search after the battle and the return of the Witch-king to Mordor and the following creation of the winged creatures for the Nazgûl. Thus I propose to integreat the part of this chapter up to
RSO-SL-21 under the sub-heading
The Ring sets out under the last chapter
The Hunt for the Ring, where we might use the following sub-heading for the first part:
Of the Journey of the Black Riders according to the account that Gandalf gave to Frodo
To make the transition between the to parts work better, I would then shift a part of
RSO-SL-02 under the new marker
HR-SL-01.5 to the beginning of that chapter and edit the rest a bit different:
Quote:
FY-HL-17<
The Hunt for the Ring
>HR-SL-01<ORP Now by fortune and his vigilance Mithrandir first learned of the Ring, ere Sauron had news of it; yet he was dismayed and in doubt. For too great was the evil power of this thing for any of the Wise to wield, unless like Curunír he wished himself to become a tyrant and a dark lord in his turn; but neither could it be concealed from Sauron forever, nor could it be unmade by the craft of the Elves. Therefore with the help of the Dúnedain of the North Mithrandir set a watch upon the land of the Periannath and bided his time. But Sauron had many ears, and soon he heard rumor of the One Ring, which above all things he desired, and he sent forth the Nazgûl to take it.>
HR-SL-01.5<Letter to Milton Waldman Some seventeen years {elapse}elapsed after Bilbo’s departure. Frodo {is now}was then of the age that Bilbo was when he went on his Quest. He also {preserves}preserved his youth, but {is}was afflicted with restlessness. Rumors of troubles in the great world outside {reach}reached the Hobbits, especially of the rise again of the Enemy or Dark Lord. Gandalf, after long absences on perilous journeys of search, {returns}returned and {reveals}revealed that Bilbo's ring {is}was The Ring, the One; and that the Enemy {is}was aware of its existence, and probably through the treachery of Gollum {knows}knew where it {is}was. {Something of the history of the Ring is sketched (mainly how it came into the 'accidental' keeping of Gollum). }Frodo {makes}made plans to fly in secret - to the House of Elrond. A tryst {is}was made for the autumn, but Gandalf {fails}failed to keep it RSO-SL-03{[Footnote to the text: It is later revealed that this is}This was owing to the treason of Saruman, chief wizard, who {attempts}attempted to imprison Gandalf and force him to join the Enemy party. {], and Frodo and his hobbit-servant Sam and two younger kinsmen go off alone into the wild - in the nick of time, just as the Black Riders of Mordor (the Nine Ring-slaves in disguise) reach the Shire.}>FY-HL-17.5<
Of the Journey of the Black Riders according to the account that Gandalf gave to Frodo
>HR-SL-02<HR text A Gollum was captured in Mordor in the year 3017 and taken to Barad-dûr, …
…
…
…
… This proves a main error, though in fact it was nearly successful, since the Barrowwights {are}were roused, and all things of evil spirit, hostile to Elves and Men, {are}were on the watch with malice in the Old Forest and on the {Barrowdowns}[Barrow-downs]. {[}The other three Black Riders{]} are left to guard the eastern borders, to watch Greenway, and guard against Elves or Dúnedain coming from eastwards.>FY-HL-18b<
The Ring Set Out
>RSO-SL-02b<Letter to Milton Waldman {A tryst is made for the autumn, but}As Gandalf {fails}failed to keep {it}the tryst for autumn RSO-SL-03{[Footnote to the text: It is later revealed that this is owing to the treason of Saruman, chief wizard, who attempts to imprison Gandalf and force him to join the Enemy party. ]},{ and} Frodo and his hobbit-servant Sam and two younger kinsmen {go}went off alone into the wild - in the nick of time, just as the Black Riders of Mordor (the Nine Ring-slaves in disguise) {reach}reached the Shire.>
RSO-SL-04<HR text B{In version B it is noted that the}The Black Captain did not know whether the Ring was still in the Shire; that he had to find out. …
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If we do follow my above suggestions, what is left is only
RSO-SL-22 to
RSO-SL-26. As that is very short I suggest to take it up as a sub-chapter under the heading
The Ring in the Shadow in to the chapter
The War of the Ring.
The one single point about special editing: I think ArcusCalion missed a necessary ‘outline expansion at the end of
RSO-SL-21. The text tells that Sauron was aided in the creation of the winged mounts by ‘Angmar’. Since Angmar is realy a country and not a person, Thsi is JRR Tolkiens short hand for ‘the Lord of Angmar’ as he wrote a few sentence before. I think we must expand the name.
A few general remarks:
- It seems we have now two spellings ‘Barrow-downs’ and ‘Barrowdowns’. In
LotR alway the spelling with the hyphen was used, So I think we should take that up as a general change.
- Numbers (especially the date of the days in the Month): We have in our text three spellings: e.g. ‘23’; ‘23rd’ and ‘twentythird’. If you add the article ‘the’ employed or not, the variation becomes even grater. As he did for (low) numbers, Tolkin never used numeric characters in his texts for dates. Even with high numbers he went through some painsticing variations to avoid numeric characters. Even so it is a lot of work, since we have a lot of such numerical characters; I think we should replace them and standardise our spelling with the ‘the’ included if the date is after the Months and ‘of’ if the date is given before the Month.
Respectfully
Findegil