[littlemanpoet]

"Sai Onara!" Anakron called.

"Goodbye to you to!" Wilhelmina grinned, waving, and walked away.

Anakron clicked his tongue. "Has anyone seen Sai Onara?"

Way, way in the back of the crowd, about a score of people pointed off in the direction of the mountains just behind what used to be known as Minas Morgul. Squinting, Anakron could barely make out three figures running at the foot of the mountains, two apparently chasing one. The one trailing seemed to be a particularly butt-less woman; the middle party was by all accounts a reincarnated Uruk-hai from way back in the end of the Third Age by the name of Lurge, who hadn't really been there but had been dreamed up by Bleater Quackson and thereby found himself in Mordor. These two were chasing a young lady who Anakron could now see was screaming at the top of her lungs, seeking escape or rescue from her two pursuers.... at least the closer and more fanged fo the two.

"Dweomer," said Anakron raising his staff, "convey." The Siamese figure on the top of his staff caterwauled. Somehow, even Anakron didn't know how - nevertheless it happened, suddenly Sai Onara appeared stage left, still screaming and dashing at full speed stage right, Lurge and Jaylo in hot pursuit.

"Stop!" Anakron yelled.

Sai stopped in her tracks, suddenly aware that she was not where she had been. Next instant she was bowled over by Lurge who started licking her face.

"Yuck!" she pulled away, disgusted for some reason.

"You are so good at the mating call of female orcs!" Lurge growled happily.

"If you don't get off me I'll vomit!" Sai threatened

"Ooh!" He chuckled. "Orcish kissing! I'm ready when you are!"

Jaylo started beating on the back of Lurge. "Get off her so I can get my butt back!"

"Stop! All three of you!" Anakron commanded. "Now! Somebody hand her a towel."

"And soap and water!" Sai couldn't get her face to undo its look of revulsion. Lurge got up and offered Sai a hand. "Get away from me! I'll get up myself!"

After Sai had wiped herself down, she looked up expectantly at Anakron. "Please tell me I passed!" She gave Lurge a horrified glance of revulsion.

"Actually," Anakron said, "you seem to have metaphorically ridden on the backs of others for much of these tests. You clung to Alli and Mardil to get you through the first two tests, with Alli on the third and fourth, and only on the fifth did you go it alone, stumbling through as you went. It was only by a stroke of Bagginsish luck that you passed your psych eval, stumbling upon just the 'riddle in the dark' that you needed; and you shared the classload with Lucy, who happens to be standing just behind you by the way, in order to get through your class and final exam."

Sai Onara gulped and looked down. She saw the pattern developing.

"In short, you were very effective in using others to gain your own ends, especially by doing so in such a way that they consider you to be their friend. Very effective indeed, especially for one so new to Mordor."

As Anakron had said these words, Sai had slowly raised her head and met his eyes with her own widening ones, her jaw dropping, looking more hopeful with each word.

"I still want my bottom back," Jaylo interrupted.

"Be quiet," Anakron ordered. "I'll deal with you soon enough."

"So maybe I didn't do so bad?" asked Sai tentatively.

"You scored a ten, a six, a ten, and a nine in the first four challenges. In the fifth triple challenge, you scored three tens. And for general gamesmanship, you scored twenty-four out of thirty; whereas you stuck to the same strategy throughout, it is clear to the Dweomer that it was out of instinct and not strategy. It would take keen strategizing throughout the tests to score higher than twenty-four. Be that as it may, you scored a total of eight-nine. You have passed. You may leave Mordor; that is, once you have made Jaylo butteefull again, more's the pity.

"What about him?" Sai pointed to Lurge fearfully, pleading with her eyes that he couldn't leave Mordor.

Lurge grinned toothily and fangily. "She wants me to go with her!"

"You have not passed the tests she has passed, Lurge. You may not leave."

He frowned mightily, which on an orc is an evil expression indeed. "I'll sign up!"

"It doesn't work that way; you must wait until your name is called from the ATM in Cair Pairadox."

Sai hugged Lucy and Anakron dismissed her to deal with Jaylo.