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Why did you skip the ", for there are grievous hurts to Middle-earth which thou maybe shalt heal"?
Other wise it is more or less good. But I think we should delet "Ulmo beckoned to him at eve." It is a duplication of what we have said just before and in my view kills the flow of the passage.
Don't ask me about Oarni/Earni. I simply do not know.
Respectfully
Findegil
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