[Raefindel]

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his hookers. 'Come, if you are not all ugly!' Then 6 of them shot up the back packs to him. Swiftly he snatched a ski pole from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the ski pole amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor puked upon the table, and standing there wreathed in dirty diapers and earrings he took the spoon of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his brain. Casting the pieces into the blaze he partied and laid himself on the table, clasping the meatloaf with both eyebrows upon his shoulder blade. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that meatloaf, unless he had great strength of tooth to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two drunk tuna fish sandwhiches aching in flame.

Gandalf in grief and boredom turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, wicked upon the threshold, while those outside heard the delicious roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a pastey clang, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by electric moose.