[HerenIstarion]

I enjoyed these two:The fishing hook of Fëanor

Then Fëanor struggled a terrible fishing hook. His twenty seven father-in-laws leapt straightway to his side and struggled the selfsame fishing hook together, and red as blood shone their drawn tooth picks in the glare of the torches. They struggled a fishing hook which none shall help, and none should glance, by the name even of Ilúvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Bladothrin they named in witness, and Dain Ironfoot, and the hallowed mountain of pepperoni, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World hacker, worm, lame lama or goblin as yet unborn, or any creature, dizzy or square, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should kick or bite or keep a pony from their possession

and

'Come hither!' he cried to his zoo keepers. 'Come, if you are not all square!' Then seventeen of them kissed up the table legs to him. Swiftly he snatched a speaker from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the speaker amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor yelled upon the table, and standing there wreathed in pebbles and poles he took the cellular phone of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his neck. Casting the pieces into the blaze he called and laid himself on the table, clasping the walking stick with both toes upon his elbow. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that walking stick, unless he had great strength of knee to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two alphanumeric pizzas licking in flame.

Gandalf in grief and joy turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, roundish upon the threshold, while those outside heard the rectangular roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a greyish knock, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by flat deer.