[mark12_30]

The Shapechanger (Lindo's Ode to Bird)

(If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there, Your hand shall lead me,
and Your right hand shall hold me.
--Psalm 139)

Phura had missed Bird every time he had come on deck. The little raven-haired lady was here and there, checking on the hobbits and the hobbrim, feeding the sea-cows, checking on Rose, and keeping tabs on Levanto. But Phura never spoke with her.

Until one afternoon on the deck of the ship, he looked up, and there she was. Khelek had just called her over, they were discussing the sea-cows, and the milk-supply for the babies. Phura stood and came slowly over to her, and stood in front of her, suddenly taut and nervous. She looked up, smiled, and returned to her conversation with Khelek. But Phura would not be deterred, and his nervousness increased.

"Bird. Bird? It's you. The song was talking about you."

Raven hair in windblown tangles,
One tress opalescent dangles...

His eyes, wild with hope and fear, locked onto hers, and she stopped, wondering. "Phura?"

"You."

"Are you all right? What's the matter, Phura?"

"You're the lady. And the deep-sea-creature. And the soaring bird. I-- Oh, I've been waiting for you for so long."

He stepped towards her, mesmerized, one slow step at a time, and slowly began reaching for her hair.

...Lindo?

Cami, watching, felt that she had seen this all before, it seemed like a scant few weeks ago. Rose, standing by Cami's side, caught her breath. Angara sipped over to stand by her tangle-haired friend, shrinking down to cat-size, watching, remembering, waiting.

Ancalimon stepped closer, leaning on his staff, narrowing his eyes. Three thousand years ago, he thought, nodding... and newly surrounded by the sea. Yes, I remember.

Although he was as mesmerized as Lindo had been, Phura's face showed a desperate longing, and he trembled with it. Bird watched him, curious.

Loremaster stepped to Phura's side, within arm's reach. Cami thought he was standing just where Maura had stood. But unlike Maura, Loremaster was not smiling. He looked worried, tense, afraid.

Bird smiled, thinking of Lindo, and she waited for the laughter to bubble up in Phura, waited for the awakening, the wonder, the freedom.

Phura's face only grew more strained, more desperate. "Please, " he said. "Please. I know you can change me the way that you changed him. Please. I've waited for this all my life."

Gamba took a deep breath, and remembered. "One more thing, " Phura had said back in the caves, by the water. "I could ask for one more thing." This was it-- the storms out to sea, the wild longing that Gamba had never understood: this was what his brother dreamed about, over and over again.

Bird looked down at the pleading hobbit. "Ummm... sorry?" she replied, starting to worry now. "Change you? What? I can't change you. I can only change me."

"You can change me like you changed him, " Phura insisted. "You can do it. Please. Please, change me."

"Bird, I'm sorry, " Loremaster interjected. "I've tried to explain that it was just poetry, and that Lindo didn't really change. He has never believed me."

"No, " Phura cried. "It's real. It has to be real, I know it's real. You're going to change me. You can, you will!"

"Um, " Bird laughed nervously and pushed a stray lock from her face, "what do you mean? I can't. I mean, I really.... I can't."

Her genuine confusion and embarassment began to penetrate Phura's heart, and finally realizing that she truly did not know what he meant, Phura despaired, and fell to his knees. "You can," he whispered, and tears flowed.

Loremaster put a comforting hand on Phura's shoulder, and said to Bird, "Lindo wrote a song, about a shapechanger-- a lady, and a sea-serpent, and a bird. That song has always haunted Phura, and he pinned his hopes on that song; and now-- apparently-- on you. I am sorry. It is not a fair burden."

"I-- I'm a dolphin, not a sea-serpent, " Bird pleaded apologetically, pushing another windblown tangle away from her face. "Phura, I'm sorry. I really am."

Ancalimon stepped forward. "Phura, lad, " he said firmly, "Why don't you sing the song so that we can hear it."

Gamba, by Cami's side, leaned forward. He had never heard the whole song.

Phura was shaken badly and afraid to sing, but Loremaster stood by him. "I'll back you. Go ahead." When Phura faltered, Loremaster took up the song until Phura could continue. Neither of them could sing long without tears; they went back and forth several times.

Raven hair in windblown tangles,
One tress opalescent dangles;
Darkling eyes that downward call me,
Oceanward, abyssward draw me,

Sinking downward, diving deeper
Plunging through the sun-shot water
Soul-thirst quenching, not by drinking,
Deepest longings satisfying.

Under tumult undulating,
Depths and watery chasms plumbing;
Waves and wind and storm defying,
Hurricane and tempest riding.

The Abyss calls! Wild I answer;
Sea, my love! My stormy partner,
Draw me deeper! Heart is stolen;
Soul dives down, and I must follow.

Longing pulls me; cares abandoned,
Careless heart and soul and song are
Thrown wide open, laughing loud, to
Destiny surrendered gladly.


Climbing now, the waves refinding;
Riding on the surface, gliding,
Spreading wings, the wind now finding,
Different blueness wings now striding.

Far below the earth lies waiting
Spread afar and near, lies waiting;
No call earthward do I yet hear,
Patience lying far beneath me.

Spiral upward, feathers drying,
sunlight shining, drawing, calling,
Sunward seeking, striving skyward,
Beating wings still climbing higher,

Til the updraft lifting finds them,
fills my sails of feathers fine, then
soaring, riding heaven's breathing,
Clouds highest desire weaving.

The heavens call! Wild I answer;
Wind, my love! My stormy partner,
Draw me higher! Heart is stolen;
Soul has flown, and I must follow.

Longing pulls me; cares abandoned,
Careless heart and soul and song are
Thrown wide open, laughing loud, to
Destiny surrendered gladly.


The song ended, and Lindo was free; but Phura had not changed.

Drenched in his own tears, Phura still knelt, despairing, on the deck. He had exposed and laid bare his deepest dreams before a crowd of strangers, and they had been revealed as empty, lifeless, and vain. As a last lingering farewell to his dreams, he reached out and caressed Bird's bare foot.

But the hobbrim, listening, whispered among themselves, and nudged each other. Kali began to walk hesitantly forward, and as he did, Ancalimon stepped forward with him, and spoke.

"The kind of change that you seek can only be given by Eru, my lad. But sometimes, Eru does delegate such things, " he said gently, and there was something in his voice that made Phura look up at him, and then at Kali, and his tears stopped. "The second half of the song may not find fulfillment in this life; I do not know. But the first half does lie within the realm of possibility."

Phura slowly got to his feet, and faced Ancalimon, and his despair slowly and steadily melted away as Ancalimon watched him.

"Courage, " Ancalimon said. "And patience. New hope will find you, if you lay down the old hope that has died." He almost called him Lindo.

Phura slowly, slowly absorbed what Ancalimon said. Kali stepped forward, and put a hand on Phura's shoulder, willing him to understand, to wait.

The somber atmosphere was way too much for Bird. "Um, " she began quietly, hesitating, and Phura, a regular hobbit again, turned back to her free from expectations.

"You know, I don't see any reason in the meantime that you shouldn't see a bit more what it will be like, " she shrugged, and Ancalimon laughed quietly. Seeing that Ancalimon did not stop her, Bird's mischief grew, and Kali understood. Kali pulled Phura to the rail. "Come on." Kali climbed up and jumped, and Phura followed him over the side.

With a squeal of delight and relief, Bird chased them, springing high into the air and morphing on the way down.

Ancalimon laughed and laughed, leaning on his staff.


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[ November 04, 2002: Message edited by: mark12_30 ]

[ November 15, 2002: Message edited by: mark12_30 ]