Thread: The Stewards
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Old 07-09-2018, 09:29 PM   #7
ArcusCalion
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This is the first draft of the chapter Of the Finding of the Ring.

This chapter uses a thoroughly mixed bag of sources, so I mark every addition made to the text.

The markings are:
FY-HL-xx for all the headlines for the Fading Years.
TS-SL-xx for all expansions and changes to the narrative.
TS-FR-xx for all expansions and changes relating to the new Finding of the Ring material.

Some conventions of my writing:

Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks
{example} = text that should be deleted
[example] = normalized text, normally only used for general changes, as well as changes which are a part of replacement that is not grammatical.
Underlined Text = text changed for grammatical reasons in the process of combining and inserting and removing.
<source example> = additions with source information
...... = This section of the paragraph is unchanged from the source.

Quote:
FY-HL-15 <OF THE FINDING OF THE RING>

TS-SL-01 <Appendix A When Belecthor II, the twenty-first Steward, died, .... for no seedling could be found.
In the days of Túrin II the enemies of Gondor .... high upon the shore of the river, and the enemies of Gondor feared to pass it.> TS-SL-02 <Appendix A Túrin II of Gondor sent to Folcwine a rich weregild of gold.>

TS-SL-03 <Appendix A
{But at}At last there came about by chance a meeting between Gandalf and Thorin .... He was weary, and thought to rest there for a while.
Among many cares he was troubled in mind ..... How then could the end of Smaug be achieved?
It was even as Gandalf sat and pondered ..... if I had known where to find you.'
Gandalf looked at him with wonder. 'That .... my mind that is the way also to your halls.'
'Call them so, if you will,' .... would be glad of your counsel.'
'I will come,' said Gandalf; ..... he will be forgotten by the grandson of Thrór.'>
TS-FR-01 <Prologue
As is told in The Hobbit, there came one day to Bilbo's door the great Wizard, ...... It seemed then like mere luck.
Trying to find his way out, Bilbo ..... spying on the orcs of the mines.
Maybe he would have attacked Bilbo .... him to a way out of the tunnels.
Since he was lost in the dark without hope, .... though he demanded three guesses.
The Authorities, it is true, differ .... would not fear any weapon at all.
But the ring was not on the island; ..... escape from the orcs and from Gollum.
At length they came to a halt before an unseen .... and despair: Thief, thief! Baggins! We hates it forever!
Now it is a curious fact that .... written by the old hobbit himself.
Gandalf, however, disbelieved Bilbo's first story, .... but he did not discover the truth in this point for many more years TS-FR-02 {, as will be seen in this book}.
Of Bilbo's later adventures little more ..... but he kept it secret from them as long as he could.>
The story is told elsewhere of what came {of that meeting}during these adventures: of the strange plan that Gandalf made for the help of Thorin, ..... and the Dwarves prospered and grew strong again in his day.>
TS-FR-03 <Prologue
After {his}Bilbo’s return to his home he ..... account of his Journey that he was writing.
His sword, Sting, Bilbo hung over his fireplace, .... secured by a fine chain, remained in his pocket.>
TS-SL-04 <ORP
But ever the shadow in Mirkwood grew deeper, .... but Mithrandir spoke to the Council, saying:
‘It is not needed that the Ring should be found, .... Seven he has recovered three. We must strike.’
To this Curunír now assented, desiring that Sauron ..... for a brief while was made wholesome again.
But their stroke was too late. For the Dark Lord .... and took counsel with none save himself.
Orcs were mustering, and far to the east and the south the wild peoples were arming. Then in the midst of gathering fear and the rumor of war the foreboding of Elrond was proved true, and the One Ring was indeed found again, by a chance more strange than even Mithrandir had foreseen; and it was hidden from Curunír and from Sauron TS-SL-04.5 {. For it had been taken from Anduin long ere they sought for it, being found by one of the small fisherfolk that dwelt by the River, ere the Kings failed in Gondor; and by its finder it was brought beyond search into dark hiding under the roots of the mountains. There it dwelt, until even in the year of the assault upon Dol Guldur it was found again, by a wayfarer, fleeing into the depths of the earth from the pursuit of the Orcs, and passed into a far distant country, even to}in the land of the Periannath, the Little People, the Halflings, who dwelt in the west of Eriador. And ere that day they had been held of small account by Elves and by Men, and neither Sauron nor any of the Wise save Mithrandir had in all their counsels given thought to them.>

TS-SL-07b <Appendix A
Fengel {He} was the third son and fourth child of Folcwine of Rohan. He is not remembered .... and won honor in the service of Turgon.>
TS-SL-05b <Appendix A
Turgon followed Túrin TS-SL-06 in the line of the Stewards, but of his time it is chiefly remembered that two years ere his death, Sauron arose again, and declared himself openly; {and he re-entered Mordor long prepared for him. Then the Barad-dûr was raised once more,} and Mount Doom burst into flame, and the last of the folk of Ithilien fled far away. When Turgon died Saruman took Isengard for his own, and fortified it.>
TS-SL-08 <Appendix A
Thengel {He} took no wife until late, but .... the child of his age. Her brother loved her dearly.
It was soon after Thengel's return ..... on its borders and supporting its enemies.>
TS-SL-10 <Appendix A
In 2989 Théodwyn married Éomund of Eastfold, ..... surprised by a strong force that lay in wait in the rocks.
Not long after Théodwyn took sick and died to the great grief of {the king}her brother, King Théoden. Her children ..... and Théoden did not wed again.>
TS-SL-11 <Appendix A
Éomer and Éowyn grew up at Edoras and saw the dark .... whom the Rohirrim had called Steelsheen.> TS-SL-12 <Appendix A When still young {he}Éomer became a Marshal of the Mark (3017) and was given his father's charge in the east marches.>
TS-SL-03: I removed the part of the Tale of Aragorn from before this bit, as I placed that in the next chapter. I know that isnt strictly the most chronologically accurate, but I think it fits better thematically.

TS-FR-01: Here we switch to the text Of the Finding of the Ring. I made very few alterations to this.

TS-FR-02: I removed a bit discussing LotR as the book following this text. Upon returning to the narrative of Durin's Folk, I made a small change to allow the text to flow better.

TS-FR-03: I return to the text Of the Finding of the Ring for the remainder of Bilbo's story.

TS-SL-04.5: Most of this paragraph has to go for the sake of redundancy, so I tried to do so. I think I have made it work.

Everything else is the same as the revised form we discussed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next is the first draft of the chapter The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen.

This chapter uses a thoroughly mixed bag of sources, so I mark every addition made to the text.

The markings are:
FY-HL-xx for all the headlines for the Fading Years.
TS-SL-xx for all expansions and changes to the narrative.
TS-AA-xx for all expansions and changes relating to the Aragorn and Arwen material.

Quote:
FY-HL-16 <THE TALE OF ARAGORN AND ARWEN>

TS-AA-01 <Making of Appendix A {In the latter days of the last age [>} Ere the Elder Days were ended{]}, before the War of the Ring, there was a man named Dírhael {[> Dirhoel]}, and his wife was {Evorwen [>} Ivorwen{]} daughter of Gilbarad, and they dwelt in a hidden fastness in the wilds of Eriador; for they were of the ancient people of the Dúnedain, that of old were kings of men, but were now fallen on darkened days. Dírhael {[> Dirhoel]} and his wife were of high lineage, being of the blood of Isildur though not of the right line of the Heirs. They were both foresighted in many things. Their daughter was {Gilrain}[Gilraen], a fair maid, fearless and strong as were all the women of that kin.>
TS-AA-02 <Appendix A
Arador was the {grandfather of the King}fourteenth Chieftain of the Dúnedain. His son Arathorn sought in marriage Gilraen the Fair, TS-AA-03 {daughter of Dírhael,} who was {himself}[herself] a descendant of Aranarth. TS-AA-04 <Making of Appendix A Arathorn was a stern man of full years; for the Heirs of Isildur, being men of long life (even to eight score years and more) who journeyed much and went often into great perils, were not accustomed to wed until they had labored long in the world.> To this marriage Dírhael was opposed; for Gilraen was young and had not reached the age at which the women of the Dúnedain wen accustomed to marry.
‘Moreover,’ he said, ‘Arathorn is a stern man of full age, and will be chieftain sooner than men looked for; yet my heart forebodes mat he will be shortlived.’
But Ivorwen, his wife, who was also foresighted, answered: ‘The more need of haste! The days are darkening before the storm, and great things are to come. If these two wed now, hope may be born for our people; but if they delay, it will not come while this age lasts.’
TS-AA-05 <Making of Appendix A[/b] Therefore {Gilrain}[Gilraen] consented and was wedded to Arathorn; and> {And} it happened that when Arathorn and Gilraen .... being but sixty years old when befell.
Then Aragorn, being now the Heir of Isildur, .... Heir of Isildur, if any remained upon earth.
But when Estel was only twenty years of age, .... and he delivered to him the heirlooms of his house.
‘Here is the ring of Barahir,’ he said, ..... for you have yet to earn it.’
The next day at the hour of sunset .... before the eyes of those that listen.
For Aragorn had been singing a part ..... were bound with gems like stars.
For a moment Aragorn gazed in silence, ..... in the Elder Days long ago.
Then the maiden turned to him and smiled, .... why do you call the by that name?’
And he answered: ‘Because I believed .... then you walk in her likeness.’
‘So many have said,’ she answered ..... But who are you?’
‘Estel I was called,’ he said; ‘but I am .... compared to her dignity and loveliness.
But she laughed merrily and said: .... and am named also Undómiel.’
‘Often is it seen,’ said Aragorn, .... father has not kept you locked in his hoard?’
‘No,’ she said, and looked up ..... years since I walked in Imladris.’
Then Aragorn wondered, for she had ..... Elrond have the life of the Eldar.’
Then Aragorn was abashed, for ..... Arwen Undómiel daughter of Elrond.
In the days that followed .... meeting in the twilight of the trees.
‘My son,’ said Gilraen, ‘your .... should wed with the Elf-kin.’
‘Yet we have some part in that ..... forefathers is true that I have learned.’
‘It is true,’ said Gilraen, ‘but that ..... good will of Elrond in this matter.’
‘Then bitter will my days be ..... wild alone,’ said Aragorn.
‘That will indeed be your fate,’ .... of what her son had told her.
But Elrond saw many things .... you are found worthy of it.’
Then Aragorn was troubled, .... mother has spoken of this?’
‘No indeed,’ said Elrond. .... of the doom that is laid on us.’
‘What is that doom?’ said Aragorn.
‘That so long as I abide here, .... with me, if she so chooses.’
‘I see,’ said Aragorn, ‘that .... you or with Middle-earth.’
‘Truly,’ said Elrond. ‘Soon, .... and much evil is to come.’
Then Aragorn took leave lovingly ..... devices of the servants of Sauron.
Thus he became at last the most hardy ..... times like a spring from the rock.>

TS-SL-13 <Appendix A
Ecthelion II, son of Turgon, was a man of wisdom. With what power was left to him .... before the days of Ecthelion were ended.
Thorongil often counselled Ecthelion that the strength ..... he would not return to Minas Tirith, where great honor awaited him.
He sent a message of farewell to Ecthelion, .... towards the Mountains of Shadow.
There was dismay in the City at the departure ..... four years he succeeded on the death of his father.
Denethor II was a proud man, tall, valiant, and more kingly ..... and suspected that he and Mithrandir designed to supplant him.>

TS-AA-07 <Appendix A
It came to pass that when Aragorn was nine ..... hidden land by the Lady Galadriel.
He did not know it, but Arwen .... and her doom appointed.
Then for a season they .... their troth and were glad.
And Arwen said: ‘Dark .... valor will destroy it.’
But Aragorn answered: .... you must also renounce.’
And she stood then .... She loved her father dearly.

When Elrond learned .... him to him, and he said:
‘My son, years come ..... may seem hard at the ending.’
So it stood afterwards ..... and the inheritance of Elendil.
After a few years Gilraen ..... before he went:
‘This is our last parting, ..... I shall leave it soon.’
Aragorn tried to comfort her, ..... you see it and be glad.’
But she answered only with this linnod:

Ónen i-Estel Edain, ú-chebin estel anim, [Footnote: I gave hope to the Dúnedain, I have kept no hope for myself.]

and Aragorn went away heavy of heart. Gilraen died before the next spring.>

TS-SL-14 <Appendix A
When Denethor became Steward (2984) he proved ..... and she turned her eyes ever south to the sea that she missed.
After her death Denethor became more grim and silent ..... most close in accord with the one that Sauron possessed.
In this way Denethor gained his great knowledge ..... who resisted Sauron, unless they served himself alone.
So time drew on to the War of the Ring, ..... many other matters he displeased his father.
Yet between the brothers there was great love, ..... these three in the War of the Ring much is said elsewhere.>
I removed TS-AA-06, since after the separation of the Hobbit material, there is no more divide, and no change to the narrative is necessary.

This completes the restructuring proposal. From here, Fin can comment on the changes, and then we can discuss adding in the Quest for Erebor material.
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