View Single Post
Old 07-23-2020, 04:47 AM   #155
Huinesoron
Overshadowed Eagle
 
Huinesoron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,778
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
I hear the last note's dying call,
I see the long translation sprawl,
And having given it its due
I know no longer what to do.

What did I care for food and sleep?
I thought were deathless rhyme and beat!
Forget the dazzling universe -
All that was left to me was verse.

I am awed
That lies completed all your text.
But "Finrod",
What pastime can replace you next?
What now to rhyme
In my spare time?
Spectator mesmerized of Tolkien-themed music...

Or:

My grief is not that finished are the songs
My grief is that they finished were so quickly.

I am actually very happy and amazed that we made it to the completed product, or a "functional" version of it, to use your words. I think I didn't allow myself to believe it basically until we got to the point with only 1 song left apiece. It still hasn't quite hit home yet. We just translated a whole flipping musical. 0.0
So, yesterday I didn't quite Get It; today, having found myself clicking through to the Downs and going "... oh, wait," I do.

So I'm working on subtitling the 2002 Version. ^_^ And finding lines to propose tweaks to. But it's not going to last... I might have to go back to reading books or writing fanfic !

So, tweaks:

What were you thinking, friend
Whose kin I owe my freedom?
What aid can I now lend
Son of the Younger Children?


Both Finrods put huge emphasis on that last line; is it possible to swap the 'children' and 'freedom' lines somehow? I can't work out a way to do it without going full Yoda (What aid can I you lend').

I would fain fulfill the will of another, > 'of her father'.

This thought leads to a tomb > 'This/your thought/plan'? And perhaps 'my tomb'?

If you have loved until > 'had'. Beren is saying 'If you had, then you would'.

(Three guesses as to where my subtitling has reached; first two don't count.)

hS
Huinesoron is offline   Reply With Quote