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Old 07-19-2020, 07:32 PM   #133
Galadriel55
Blossom of Dwimordene
 
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,299
Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Where too much rhyming can get you:

Not much courage needed to meet dreadful death but once.
But to face it many times makes Finrod quite the dunce!




ETA: still no better ideas for once/falls, but here is a question for the next line:
He will hold the blame for every death in his own eyes.
vs
For each witnessed death he'll hold the blame in his own eyes


I'm not convinced I like it better than the first. In fact, I think I don't. I'm just fiddling around with keeping the image of Finrod having to watch the deaths helplessly.

Oh, hey! He will feel the blame for every death before his eyes. Thoughts?
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera

Last edited by Galadriel55; 07-19-2020 at 08:59 PM.
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