I'll start off with Heart, and then go back to the other points. I don't remember this song as well, so I am referencing the Libretto and V2 as i'm looking through it. My favourite part of this song is Amarie telling her heart to follow Finrod and help him through his fate.
I had the song pasted here to do a line-by-line, then realized it's probably not necessary. Translation-wise it is very accurate. The meter is sometimes a bit off, with occasional hanging or missing syllables, but I think it scans in most cases. It would be possible to change most lines to a "perfect fit" (e.g. "Now I am turning to thee" for the first line), I just wonder if making all of them "perfect" is necessary. Just a couple lines I would change.
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Remember: that which once broke, no more can be breaking
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I am tripping up over "remember", but if "re" is left to stick out it could work. So maybe no need to change even this one.
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Drink from oblivion's cup but remain unaltered
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This works, but "and yet" for "but" I think fits more easily meter-wise.
Heed me, my heart, you are not trapped by a barred gate
Follow his heart through the Night over storm-shrouded waters
Follow death's road with the shadows of mem'ries wand'ring
Heed me, my heart, help him rise from the pathways of fate
Drink from oblivion's cup but remain unaltered
Brave the Abyss - and awake at dawning.
^ Is beautiful.
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Originally Posted by Hui
The only part that really gave me trouble was this:...
I'm not sure I understand what the lyrics are getting at, so I've had to make a lot of guesses.
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To be perfectly honest I don't understand 100% either.
But you were very very close to the text! Here is the "literal take":
My heart, opened wide like a door,
My heart, dissolved in bread like bitterness [or perhaps dissolved like the bitterness of bread?] (*shrug* No idea. Some of their kennings are quite beyond me.)
Stunned by the late wine! (not sure if "late" is supposed to be significant. It's definitely NOT "old wine", but beyond that you know as much as I do. Is it wine made from late grapes? Drunk late in time? No clue.)
My heart, I don't know what to do now.
The feathers of dawn are coming alight in the morning sky
Day came and didn't erase my memory of him.
So you can see, your translation was very on point! There isn't much to add to the meaning, as far as I can decipher, beyond what you already have!