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Old 07-12-2020, 04:02 PM   #80
Galadriel55
Blossom of Dwimordene
 
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
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Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
It's so gooood! I will have to give it another read and do it justice, but right now I am just amazed at how good it is!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Huinesoron View Post
One thing jumped out at me in your yours/ours piece: is the 'sky-ships' motif that keeps coming up a reference to Swan-ships on the Straight Road? It might almost be worth just making it 'swan-ships' if so, since I think we've dropped any explicit references to them flying.
I think it's an indirect reference to the Straight Road. Finrod uses it too in his Truth (second last stanza). I kind of like the idea of sky-ships, because I imagine them just slowly leaving the curvature of the Earth and going on straight. But if you think "Swan-Ships" would be better, we can change both instances.

Actually, Finrod's line becomes interesting. Because "Sky-ships are burning in the sunset light" (which btw is very faithful to the Russian text) sounds more of the same idea as Galadriel's, but "Swan-ships are burning in the sunset light" sounds like Feanor's little bonfire party. I am now not sure which one fits better with his theme.
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera
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