Ah, Morthoron, not only is your list most excellently hilarious, but you are clearly on my wavelength.
I had you see already envisaged a character: an elven teen named Sharpairien. She is the spoilt, self-centred yet somehow inexplicably lovable youngest daughter of Elrond (from his second marriage to a much younger she-elf) and alone among the Peredhil she boasts glossy auburn locks, a smattering of cute freckles and amber eyes. Her best friend is a camp and gossipy elfboy named Daemian.