To get rid of an annoying five-year-old, you:
Imitate Gollum, asking, "Does it have it? Where is it? We wantsss it! Give it to usss! Give usss our Preciousssss!" while frisking him.
Start shouting at him in Elvish, calling him orc, troll, and a few other things best left unnamed.
Freak him out with your monologue about how he distinctly resembles Gollum and should watch out for short, fat, fifty-year-olds with hairy feet and magic rings.
Poor child...
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