[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Disclaimer: I, like others before me, am writing about both E1 and E2, since I'm not sure what was where. Beware spoilers therefore.

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Hope I am not late for the party... but it took me a while to gather the stamina, and have the time, to write.

*ahem* *opens page 1 of The Great Book of Legate*

"It all began with the..."


For TL;DR, super short summary:

- my development of expectation levels for this show went like this:
1. "new LotR show is coming" - I never care about adaptations, why should I care now one way or another. Just another Peter Jackson-type high-budget thing.
2. "here are the trailers" - less PJ than I thought, but more PJ than I would have wished. But overall it does not really show much. May be decent, may be terrible, let's wait and see.
3. First episode - opening *much* more PJ than I thought, but that seems to be a "selling" strategy. There is no plot: aside from "clearly, Sauron is somewhere, and the characters just don't know it yet", nothing that would make me interested or care. Aside from - surprisingly - Harfoots (elaboration below).
4. Second episode - we are slightly picking up *some* plot as opposed to zero plot.
5. Current state: I am intrigued to watch further because I want to know what happens - who is the Meteor-Man (we all suspect but we want confirmation), what happens with him, and what happens to the Southlanders (see below).

And now, for the novel-length review:

The Good: Stone Age Hobbits: 9/10

After watching Elves running about pretty landscapes for a while and observing some random villagers, the "now THIS is interesting" moment came from totally unexpected direction: the proto-Hobbits. The scene with pseudo-Merry-and-Pippin stealing berries looked like just one more irrelevant same old, but in fact, it had about 200% more characterisation than all the Elves (see below). Then it only kept getting better.

Aside from one minor letdown (I shall return to), the Harfoots are a very believable depiction of "Stone Age Hobbits". I like the fact that it isn't just a copypaste of the Shire in another time and place, but you can SEE how this would transform into the Shire (and yes, into PJ's Shire especially, but I don't mind). The somewhat nomadic, reclusive, but skilful folk... I mean, even the opening scene with the weird antler-guys introduced the Harfoots by effectively putting Tolkien's description of Hobbits (Big Folk don't notice them to the point that they think they do magic etc.) into narrative. THAT is how film is done!

And then the Stone Age Proto-Hobbits can WRITE. Yes! This is the screenwriters READING and PAYING ATTENTION to the original. Because the Hobbits' affinity for books is somewhat counterintuitive (merry, simple farmers, or in this case gatherers, are not what you'd associate with literacy as one of their chief values), it would be easy to miss this one. But look! They have books AND their own proto-script! If Tolkien the linguist were to cheer at anything, I daresay it would be this. Well done!

On the other hand and sadly, what Tolkien the linguist would be likely as disappointed with as I was, is the name choices for the proto-Hobbits. To give them the same names as Third Age Hobbits is a boring choice. They should be something along the lines of Déagol, Sméagol etc. True, someone could say that those are Harfoots, not Stoors, but other arbitrary decisions of the same type have been made in the series.

I also understand that having a protagonist named Déagol or some similar "weird" name is not as "appealing" and fan-friendly as something more "normal", but I am sure you'd be able to come up with some cool-sounding, easy-to-pronounce nicknames. Besides, with your billion-budget, you could hire an expert on some proto-Anglo-Saxon-whatever who would help you with that.

Also - even on top of all this - I don't know why the authors named the main character Elanor (Nori). It's straightaway dumb to name a character whose name is similar to two existing Tolkien characters, i.e. Sam Gamgee's daughter, whose name was supposed to be specifically new and un-Hobbit-y, AND a Dwarf! That's as if they named one of the new Men characters Gwindor, nickname Dori.

The Bad: Elves: 2/10

Let me make one thing clear - I am okay with many aspects of the Elven storylines. The main letdown is that it seems like Galadriel's motivation to stay in Middle-Earth is not gonna include my favourite thing about her, i.e. the fact that she wilfully followed the Noldor into exile, then wilfully - oh the daring! - refused the mercy of Valar because she wanted to build herself a little empire and then matured into her Third Age self who refused the Ring of Power itself! That would have been an amazing character arc to explore, but sadly (also obviously because of lack of rights to Sil etc) this seems to be, at worst, reduced into "she refused because as a goody two-shoes she wanted to stop Sauron" or at best, reduced into "she refused because she wanted to avenge her brother" (that is a "bad" motivation to refuse divine mercy, but the original was better, also because it was dealing with the main concept of the Ring story - power).

Otherwise: Elrond looks good, Galadriel looks okay (she should be like half a meter taller... I have one really tall friend who, in response to the casting, complained about lack of representation for people like herself. It was a joke, but there is some truth to it). Gil-Galad has completely wrong colours (should be silver and blue), but whatever. Celebrimbor (while nothing against the actor, he's of course good) is too old. I would have preferred a young innovator to an "old mad scientist", even though it has its charm.

But the age inconsistency is the chief problem for me. I understand that the authors wanted to make the main protagonists young, so that you can show that they are younger than their Third Age selves. Makes sense. But then be consistent, and if 2000-y/o Galadriel is 30, then Celebrimbor and Gil-Galad should be too, if not younger. (Elrond can be excused for being half-elven, so maybe he "caught up" faster.) I personally dislike "all young casts", but here there would have been an excuse for it. On the other hand (Legate 180 coming), this way it at least does not look like "oh these people didn't manage to stop Sauron in time just because they were young and inexperienced".

What has been the worst about the Elven storyline was the dialogue in the supposed "High Elf" manner, which has been just abysmal (with one notable exception). I am sorry, but that is a fact. Elrond and Galadriel talking sound like someone who cannot write trying to imitate Shakespeare. It reminds me of the infamous scene from Star Wars Episode II where Anakin expresses his love to Padmé. Incidentally, just one day later I watched House of Dragon and there was also a "posh noble antiquated-speech" dialogue, and it sounded absolutely realistic, unlike this. So it can be done. Why didn't the makers with their extra millions hire some professional writer just to proofread, I don't know.

That is not to say that the dialogue has so far been any marvel, which is a pity for a show based on the works of one of the greatest writers. Obviously nobody could easily measure up to Tolkien, and PJ had the advantage that he had the original to work with (also you can tell the difference between Tolkien's original script and "Orcs!" "A diversion!" "Toss me!"). But knowing what kind of a task this was, and knowing that it would come under the more scrutiny, one would have expected the text to have come under much stricter scrutiny before it was released than it seemingly did.

Dialogue should also outline the characters, express their personality, their relationships. Very little has come out on that front. Sure, it is early on, there has not been enough time for subtle nuances, but then again, two hours already is the length of an average (non-PJ) film. "I want to finish what my brother started" or "I am in a star-crossed romance with a human/Elf" is preciously little.

The Dwarves: The Dwarves (6/10)

In the first two episodes, there was one instance of really cool dialogue: the "elevator dialogue" between Elrond and Durin. This is what writing should look like. It had characterisation, it felt realistic (unlike when eg Elrond and Galadriel talk to each other), and the theme was something that is not directly addressed in the source material, but that totally could be. Well done writers! If there was more like this...

Sadly I am as disappointed, if not offended, as probably many others by degrading the Dwarves into "yarr let's get drunk and smash rocks". It would have been okay to show a little of it. But not to devote an entire scene to it. Certainly not as the introductory scene of the Dwarves.

I must say that I was very pleasantly surprised with Disa. Given that we have not seen a Dwarven woman before, this came across as a rather successful attempt. She is regal, she comes across as a person, her relationship with her husband is fleshed-out...

The Hotman, aka The Meteor-Man... (?/10)

...aka I Have Many Names In Many Lands. Now my impressions from this storyline oscillated between "what in the name of?... okaaay, is this Sauron?... no... NO WAY... YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?!??... okaaaay... but this is actually somewhat interesting..."
Since this is not a speculation thread, I will leave it at that. After two episodes, I am intrigued to see what becomes of it, because I seriously have no idea. At least so far (besides the fact that whichever way this goes, it is likely a breach of canon, but hey, it won't be the first nor the worst - in *any* adaptation) there is nothing I can really complain about in that story. Let's wait and see where it goes before I evaluate anything.

(But just saying, one thing that crossed my mind, it would be cool if it turned out to be a triple-trick... by which I mean, it looked a little like it could be Sauron, then Gandalf [or even Radagast], but it would be epic plot twist if it turned out to be the Balrog. I mean... think about it. Hypothetically, why not. A Maia could do a degree of morphing, and the Balrog is known for it. If we are this deep in non-canon elements, let it at least be interesting!)

The Weird: "Southlands" storyline (1/10 with potential, see below)

In terms of how interesting it is, I find it somewhere between the Elf storyline and the Harfoot storyline. It started in the same way of "why should I care about these people" (and in fact, I still don't care about them), then it slowly started getting some plot. The plot is on the level of any generic fantasy, but, meh, whatever.

I don't particularly care about the fact that those poor people are getting overrun by Orcs, either. What COULD make it interesting, eventually, would be if the "those people are evil" prediction came entirely true and they just teamed up with Sauron. (Even though of course the nicer twist would be if they didn't, since being evil is what seems to be expected of them. I expect the end result will be some sort of division, half of them will become evil, half of them won't.)

I am not particularly impressed with their names. Theo is a terrible name - I assume it is meant to be a nickname for some Théoden-type thing, but ugh... What are they supposed to be anyway? Théosomething and Bronwyn would point towards some pre-Eorlinga-mismatch, "generic Northmen", I guess; but if they are this far South (not sure where exactly anyway), wouldn't something else been better? I am imagining a similar ethnic to the White Mountain folk.

Now, potential spoilers for those who have not thought of it. What makes this storyline potentially cool - the only thing that makes it potentially cool - is where it seems to be going. One thing that seems clear as Night to me is that the little boy will become a Nazgul (WK himself?). That is what I think about the sword. The sword, incidentally, being a sort of "reverse Morgul-blade" was a cool trick. And I like the "blood-powered" system (no matter I have no idea how it's supposed to work and what it is doing there. It is cool, I like it).

And it is all very ominous. A pity I don't care about the kid at all otherwise. But hey, I want to see someone turn into Nazgul. And it inevitably leads to some horrible tragedy of his mother being good (obviously) and him being evil and whatever. Then she, with broken heart, kills him, but he rises back as undead. You know, that kind of drama. (Heck, you could even put there something cool like the "no living man can kill him" prophecy! Now how about that!!! Okay, I called it.)

Another element, which would be really really cool, would be if the beautiful land this all is taking place in was actually Mordor. It would be really really cool to see this pretty green landscape turn into fire and brimstone. It would at least explain all the digging by the Orcs.

And finally, based on that it somehow seems that, wink wink, Mr. Halbrand is the runaway father of the boy, and now he seems to have been picked up by the Númenoreans, may be that what if he comes back home with the Númenoreans. What if they now come as colonists and subjugate these poor Bronwyn&co. people, Mr. Halbrand being also dragged into it, either intentionally or not. That would be a good excuse for some family drama. I sadly supect I may be mistaken about this happening but it would be cool. I am imagining this kind of development:

Theo: "You Númenoreans are evil colonisers! Oh and I saw an Elf in the background, Númenoreans and Elves are evil!"
Halbrand: "No, no, I agree my new friends are a bit heavy-handed, but they are here to bring civilisation."
Theo: "Shut up dad, you left us when we needed you! We don't want you nor your Númenorean friends here, go away or we'll chase you out by force!"
Bronwyn: "Now now, my son, I agree that the Númenoreans shouldn't colonise us, but let's not make this come to violence..."
Theo: "That will get us nowhere, mum! Oh if only I had the power to drive those invaders out, I'd show them to leave our people alone!"
Annatar: "Well hello there, young Skywalker..."

Absolutely fine by me. Sadly, again, not convinced that this would happen and secondly, really a pity that I don't give a broken blade about these characters.

And that ends my massive treatise, fellow Wights. I am pretty sure I have forgotten several things that would deserve mentioning, but, this is already long enough...

Until next time.