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Old 07-05-2005, 09:34 AM   #269
Mithadan
Spirit of Mist
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Tol Eressea
Posts: 3,310
Mithadan is a guest at the Prancing Pony.Mithadan is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
Of the Chamber Pot of Doom or the Tale of Who-Him and His Son Too-Thin Labamba

Of old, when the Elves were brought to Valleyum, the Elder race was less old and had little experience with civilized life, having spent most of their time wandering in the woods and fields. Thus, when they were brought to the Blessed Lands the Elves were untidy (and thus were named by the Velour the 'Slobs'). Being glad of the company and bearing great affection for the Elder Children of Emu, the Velour resolved to tidy up after the Elves and later instruct them on the skills of housekeeping and cleaning up after themselves. So it came to pass that the Velour crafted for the Elves enchanted chamber pots which cleansed themselves and tasked the lesser spirits to do laundry and pick up the prodigious amounts of trash that the Elves, in their joyful free-wheeling style, left behind where ever they went. And the Velour, being a bit airheaded themselves, then forgot to instruct the Elves on such menial tasks...

But ages later, the Noodlar rebelled and returned to Muddled Mirth without the permission of the Velour. After taking counsel, the Velour resolved to encourage the Noodlar to return by withdrawing their magic from the chamberpots and prohibiting the lesser cleaning spirits from following the Elves to Muddled earth. Thus was hardship wrought upon the Noodlar who were forced to learn to clean up their own... messes, or live in untidiness. And the Elves did not learn quickly...

So it was that Prince Pinhead, the Lord of the great caves of Imablonde, could no longer bear the smell of unchanged chamberpots and dirty laundry and left his realm for a time on a ride through the forests of Dairyland. And lo! one night after days of riding without changing his clothes, he heard voices unlike those he had ever heard before. Pinhead dismounted and crept up to a clearing and saw a great multitude of people unlike any he had seen before, and these were the Younger Children of Emu, the Men. And after they had gone to sleep, he crept into the clearing and took up a rough hewn harp and sang a song of Velleyum. The Men awoke in an enchantment and loved his music and said, "boy, Pinhead, you sure can sing, but you smell bad!" And Pinhead dwelt among them for a time and they laundered his clothes and cleaned up after him and he rejoiced and resolved to bring the Men back with him to live among the Elves as their housekeepers, butlers, stablehands and other assorted menial workers.

So it was that the Lord of the Men, Moron the Old, agreed and Men came to live among the Noodlar and do their dirty work for a proverbial song. But Môgul Bildûr was displeased and sought to create strife between Men and Elves and he sent his agents among the Younger Race with whispers of Unionization, minimum wages and benefits. And some fell under the spell of the Dread Developer, but most rejected him, recognizing that he, his Loyers and his armies of Orcs and Trolls and whatnot were even greater slobs than the Elves. Then there was war in Dairyland...

Now Who-Him was a great lord of Men who had negotiated with the Elves and gotten lands of his own for his people so long as they cleaned up after the Elder race. And they did so with joy, knowing that they had a pretty good deal in comparison to the Men serving the Sons of Feeblenor who still had to sleep with the horses. And the people of Who-Him were faithful and brave and were great cleaners and warriors to boot. Indeed, they had grown so savvy and sophisticated that they were little unlike the Elves themselves, save that their lives were short. And among them arose minstrels who were nigh as skilled as the Elves, and greatest among these was Who-Him's son Too-Thin, who was also known as Labamba in recognition of his music. But the joy of the people of Who-Him was cut short and an army of Orcs rolled over his lands and Who-Him was captured and brought before Môgul Bildûr. And Môgul offered him his freedom if he would become a champion of Unionization and strive against the Elves, but Who-Him refused. So Who-Him was given nifty shoes of stone and taught to swim with the fishes...

But Too-Him and his band escaped the nets of Môgul Bildûr and gathered to him Men and Elves and created a travelling troope of performers who would offer to entertain the Legions of the Dread Builder, then, after the the Orcs and Trolls (and whatnot) were drunk as Zerls, would slay them all. And Too-Him wielded a great sword and would leave his mark, an "L", carved upon the chests of those he slew. And the Elves and Men of Dairyland rejoiced at the actions of Labamba and grew bold and strove against Môgul Bildûr even harder.

So the Dark Lord sent a great army afield to capture Labamba, and there was a dragon with them, Flourdrum the Dreadful. Yet even this army would not avail to capture or defeat Labamba, so Flourdrum went forth with but few Orcs around him and made a camp in the lands where Too-Thin was said to dwell. And Too-Thin and his troope came and played for the battalion, thinking to slay them as he had done so often before. But Flourdrum placed Labamba under a spell and convinced him of the benefits of Unionization so that in after times Too-Thin was both beloved and feared by the Elves.

At last, weary of the long wars against Môgul Bildûr, Too-Thin assembled a great army and planned to attack Slangbad in secret. And he built many ships and sailed his army to Valleyum, planning to march up the coast of the Blessed Lands and cross the ocean again in the far north thus coming upon Slangbad from behind. And it may be that Labamba's ploy might have been successful, for Môgul Bildûr's attention was elsewhere at that time, due to the untimely death of Flourdrum who had been barbequed by the Orcish army when provisions had run low. But when Labamba and his army landed on the shores of Valleyum, they were set upon by the Toll Maiar of VIA and arrested for illegal entry. Thereafter, they were imprisoned in the Halls of Mantoes, but it was said that when great need arises and the shores of Valleyum themselves are threatened by Môgul Bildûr, that Labamba and his army would be released together with the spirits of all who were ever slain or cheated by the Dread Developer and that Labamba and his army would then fight the Step-Sister of All Battles on behalf of the Velour and the Elves... and then seek back wages...
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