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Old 07-21-2020, 08:46 AM   #143
Huinesoron
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
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Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
Is it a "slow sing" on the second line? I think I got to a scansion that works if Line 2 loses it's flurry.
If you want it to have the flurry back, though, all you have to do is add some syllables to Line 3, "and with my dear wife". Depends on how tongue twisty it sounds.
I wasn't trying to. I only noticed the internal rhyme a couple of verses later, so this one was a retrofit. Does the rhyme still fall in the right place with your extended line?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
Ooooo, ouch. It's not just her fancy on the table anymore. No wonder Thingol is so ****ed off.
^_~

Yeah, I needed the rhyme, and it sounds like Comedy Thingol's style of hyperbole. Also, y'know... they hung out in the woods together for months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
If I am reading it correctly, I am getting FI-re AND wa-TER. What about FIRE and WA-ter COOL (clear? cold?)? --- assuming I read that correctly.
Two-syllable fire was what I had, and I didn't like it. Yours is much better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
I just had a snarky thought about how snarky Melian would be if she outright said "You should know that love etc". But I think her character is a little more neutral and respectful. She doesn't get snarky unfortunately.
Sadly, yeah; I think this would work for Aria Melian, but not Duet Melian. Her kid hasn't yet run off to go fight the Dark Lord, so she's a bit more mellow.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
Camp-Trumpets: I am pretty sure that Tolkien has some trumpets as well, but I agree that horns are better. Will change in both instances.
He probably does, but "the last trump[et]" is a heavily Christianised term. (Of course, horns calling you to death isn't exactly Tolkien either - both the Valaroma and the horns of Gondor and Rohan are calls to victory - but we work with what we have.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
-Witness mesmerized: I shift a syllable with the "mesmerized"; in Russian, "rized" would belong to the second half of the phrase. But I think it works musically, if you sing it.
Got it. It works.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
Are you making a video with new subtitles?
Weeeeeeeell... yes.

(The subtitle file is downloadable and editable in Notepad, so I can continue to update it. I could also propose it for "English (United Kingdom)" subtitles on the main recording, but I don't know if they'd appreciate it.)

hS
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