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Old 07-16-2020, 07:14 PM   #112
Galadriel55
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Dream (Duet of Beren and Luthien)

So I finally got it down to a choice between two versions for Beren's stanzas, as opposed to the initial five or so. I feel like the linguistic lace is slowly dying, possibly as a consequence of being just plain dead tired from staying up all those nights working on the translation. I might need a break, because I feel like instead of getting easier it's actually harder lately to make songs sound good. Anyways, here it is, in all its numerous alternatives glory:


LUTHIEN:
What do I care for noble oaths
They are swept on wind’s wings.
Under the leaves of beechen groves *
My days glowed with light!
You burst into my sleep like a ray of spring. [You tore through my slumber]

Let… heart over duty all decide
Love... is leading me to you once more.
My years rushed by as single hour
But I’ve awakened only now
And I will fight for that which always has been mine! [alternatively, leave as “take what is etc”]


BEREN:
Thus sang the twilight nightingale
When in love I have rejoiced…
To bird in tangled boughs the pale
Starlight lent its voice!

Birds without love can't sing their tune.
My life has no point without you! [I can have no place without you? Or something else altogether]
And Day and Night, and Life and Death
This world can only still enwreathe
That you would be there even for a single breath!
//
The dusk, the dawn, the earth, the sea
Only pervade expanses free
So even for brief moment Luthien should [would?] be! **


Know: you filled my heart with thirst for life
Know: my life by you is justified!
Without you earth and northern sky
Lose all their meaning in my eye
Through you alone I see the world without disguise!
//
The russet earth and northern sky
Without you valueless do lie
Through you alone the world holds colour in my eye! ***


BOTH:
Let... the wind rage over stronghold's walls
Love... will lead me back to you once more
Stronger than any griefs or woes
Worth more than victory or gold
A single battle fought: for victory of love...!




* The Russian says "poplars", but based on a quick Sil scan I thought beeches are more appropriate.

** I know Beren's main "point" is different between stanzas... But I really wanna use both versions! I love them both equally. I have to murder one of my brain children. It's sad. (Seriously though, I honestly don't know what to do. One moment I am leaning "the dusk the dawn" with its better rhyme and Tolkien reference, another moment I am leaning "And Day and Night" with its more powerful wording.)

*** Or any combination of the above, it's all interchangeable lines.
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Last edited by Galadriel55; 07-16-2020 at 07:17 PM.
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