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Old 07-14-2020, 03:25 AM   #92
Huinesoron
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,778
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
A quick earlier edit: Lies taste so foul is now Lies' taste is foul, because... it's a better line.

A few more suggestions for the chains line:

He who without doubt or fear can break the chains that hold

Only he who feels no doubt can break free from his bonds!

I quite like that last one, and have put it in for now. Its biggest flaw is that it rhymes 'bonds' with 'world', which isn't great.

And now, finally: the conclusion of the Duel.

Finrod v. Sauron, Round 3: Fight!

FINROD:
I've made my choice now
I entrust my fate to Eru
Both light and darkness
Are gifts He grants to us.
I don't accept you
Or your ending in its coldness-

SAURON:
That's fear that fills your heart
Fear that's only felt by slaves and cowards in the dark
You see, but you do not dare to face the bitter truth
Guilty is your soul before He who created you!

FINROD:
Yes!
But greater is the guilt
Of he who in the dark
Shameless and stark
Taught pride to Elven hearts-!

SAURON:
That gift was granted you to free you from your chains
With my innate powers, your proud heart is mine to change!

FINROD:
You only destroy!

SAURON:
Your words are dangerous! Take warning and beware
All that once was woven can be sundered. Now answer-

FINROD:
Answer first:
Why does your black and iron throne
Delight you so, o Sauron?
As though a crown of jewelled thorns
Could save the one who wasn't born?

SAURON:
Immortal, never born,
I have no destined fate or end
If you're the best that Light has formed
Darkness will reign - and by my hand...!


I think the syllable count is kind of scrambled in the last line or two. I've checked it against both versions, but I can't get it any better than this.

Finrod's 'Answer first:' line also seems to be completely different lengths in the different versions. It can take a 'me' in the middle if it needs to.

As for Пусть! - 'yes' doesn't have quite the same acceptance, but it makes a nice counter to Luthien's later 'No!'. I don't think there's another option ('True!', maybe), unless we want to roll into the rest of the line (Hold! So be it, if you will), and I think that reduces the power of Finrod's collapse here.

hS
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