[Kuruharan]

“Good evening and welcome to The Underground, coming to you from Underground. Filling in for your usual anchor yet again tonight I am Editor-in-Chief Kuruharan.”

*Kuruharan’s face assumes an expression of pious concern along with a faint touch of snide condescension.*

“Our usual anchor Chrysophylax is still on his months long bender following his defeat in the Ten Year Anniversary Extravaganza Werewolf Game. We have an APB out for him and hope to have him apprehended and chained back to this desk where he belongs soon.”

*Kuruharan looks directly into the camera with profound seriousness and his voice assumes a tone of majestic bombast.*

“Now for our top story this evening. Eru, in his capacity as Chairman of the Arda Cup Committee held a press conference today to announce the 2015 Arda Cup. This announcement was greeted with wide jubilation. Sadly, this jubilation was overshadowed by the controversy sparked by his next announcements.

The first controversial announcement was that Eru is founding a parent organization to the ACC which will be known as the Arda Football Federation or ArFF. Eru has appointed himself Captain-General of ArFF. A reporter who questioned by what authority Eru could do this instantly exploded. ArFF is intended to be a coordinating and oversight body to Football in general in Arda beyond the narrower scope of the ACC.

The second controversial announcement was that Eru, in view of his new responsibilities in ArFF, is leaving the position of Chairman of the ACC."

*screen goes to image of Eru during the press conference…or at least it tries too…mostly it just picks up blinding light*

“I take these steps after no small deliberation. I strongly believe they will improve the conditions of football throughout Arda.”

*screen goes back to Kuruharan who continues to stare fixedly into the camera and whose face and tone strike a severe note as if all one holds dear is about to be placed in great peril*

“The controversy erupted when Eru announced his choice for the new Chair of the ACC. His choice for Chair is Mr. The Phantom, a man who needs no introduction.

For further analysis, we go now to our reporter on the scene. For undisclosed reasons our usual reporter is…unavailable, so our reporter on the scene is…me!”

*Kuruharan puts on a hat.*

“Thank you Kuru, and may I just say that was some excellent anchoring just now.”

*Kuruharan takes off hat.*

“You may say that, Haran.”

*Kuruharan puts on hat.*

“Then let us consider it said. Pandemonium erupted in the conference room at the announcement of the appointment of Mr. The Phantom. A full scale riot broke out when Eru announced that Mr. The Phantom would also be his No. 2 at ArFF. We spoke to some of the rioters to get their feelings on the subject.”

*screen goes to an image of Melkor’s baleful face*

“I want to go on the record as saying that I fully support the creation of the ArFF. What I object to is the monopolization of power in any hands other than mine! I should have been made Captain-General of ArFF and Chair of the ACC!!”

*screen goes to an image of Sauron as he sets fire to a pile of chairs*

“I agree with Melkor regarding the creation of ArFF. However, I think I should have been made Captain-General and would have made the Witch-King Chair of the ACC. That is the way forward for Arda football…that and violent acts of hooliganism. I mean, if we are going to have a player-owner be running this show, it may as well be someone the people know they can trust."

*screen goes to an image of Faenor standing on top of a burning car*

“This is yet another example of the oppression to be expected of those in authority! I see no need for this so-called ArFF. I even question the need for an ACC! It was bad enough when Eru was in charge, but to make one of my on field rivals our dictator?! This is too much!! This is the very definition of a conflict of interest!! I mean, look at the extent I had to go to in order to get the focus back on me where it belongs!”

*screen goes back to Kuruharan with a hat on*

“The Dorwinion Riot Police were deployed to restore order, which they did in short order. This lead to today’s final startling revelation. Mr. The Phantom recently, and very mysteriously, became King of Dorwinion. We obtained an exclusive interview with this vastly powerful individual shortly after the suppression of the riots.”

*screen goes to the phantom*

“It was what the people wanted. It may also be part of the Next Phase of a plan I began in the Ten Year Anniversary Extravaganza Werewolf Game.”

“Would you care to elaborate on this?”

*the phantom’s eyes shine under his hood*

“No.”

*screen goes back to Kuruharan with a hat on who stares deeply into the camera*

“Back to you…Me.”