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Old 07-12-2020, 03:41 PM   #78
Galadriel55
Blossom of Dwimordene
 
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,299
Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Tinkering (TM)

Tried to accumulate bits and pieces for one post, so I don't spam the thread completely.

Beren & Luthien Meeting
I love the second part (What is agony etc). It's so catchy! Me gusta. I was dancing to it while making lunch. It sounds perfect.

For the first part, I was fiddling with rhymes, wondering if its worth it to put them in, seeing as the song doesn't fall apart without them. But the only practical suggestion I came up with is swapping "time" and "years" in the 3rd verse, to rhyme with "reach". However, even little change makes it sound less picturesque than the way you have it now.


Nargothrond
I swapped "such is his high price for his kingly honour!" for "Such his unfair price for his kingly honour!". It's a bit less of a tongue twister. Any reasons not to switch it?


Minions
I had a thought that "We all bow our heads before you" isn't sufficient to pacify Sauron's sadism. Switched it to "We sink to our knees before you", but also considered "We are groveling before you".

Galadriel's Ballad/Lament
I made a few minor changes since I first posted it. But before it runs through the editing mill there's no point finessing the polish.



I'm sorry I keep tacking on various things as edits. I keep coming up with little thoughts to add which don't necessarily merit a whole post - besides, I've spammed the thread as it is. But I realize you may not see the edits if you've already read the post before they came. Maybe next time I'll just have a post "pending" on a separate tab which I will submit once it accumulates enough content.
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