[Galadriel55]

LUTHIEN:
What is "agony"?

BEREN:
Pain is the enemy death releases us from

LUTHIEN:
What are "battle" and "war"?

BEREN:
A delight to the poets but abhorrent to ev'ryone [isn't that how you pronounce "everyone" anyways?]

LUTHIEN:
What are "hate" and "emnity"? [technically the last syllable "ty" here overlaps with "They're", but since 2 people singing it's not an issue that requires fixing]

BEREN:
They're the bread of war, its water and living breath

LUTHIEN:
And then what is "love"?

BEREN:
Love is the bliss that stands between hate and death! [yes! Checkmark for rhyme rhythm and content so far!]

LUTHIEN:
Don't look me in the eye, I'm shaking with fear
At being alone with you
Hatred and death look out of your eyes
Enclosed in a single view
No-one has dared to see me this way [I wonder if "look at" is better than "see".
It's a bit awkward rhythm-wise, but "see" sounds passive - like the problem is in Luthien's appearance, not Beren's gaze
In all of the endless years

BEREN:
Until you drew me out with the light of your heart
I had known only dark and tears!

LUTHIEN:
Dear friend, you are moving far too quickly
I'm sure I have given you no cause
Fates apart, joining them is risky

BEREN:
Then you weren't waiting for me?

LUTHIEN:
I was!

But the sun does not shine in midnight's kingdom
Rivers do not run into dry seas.
Our story's written to its ending [and reading "our" as o-ur, two syllables. This to avoid sto-RY]
You weren't searching for me here. [not strictly necessary to complete an offbeat at the end, but I think it sounds nicer]

BEREN:
I was. [this should rhyme with "seas", like "I was / cause" above. But I just don't know how to get them to rhyme without sacrificing the beautiful imagery and structure you have going]

What is "loyalty"?

LUTHIEN:
The song that the nightingale sings in the starry night

BEREN:
What's "eternity", then? [you don't even need "then". Eternity sounds more natural even with just a long "ter"

LUTHIEN:
A house where there's room enough for you and I.

BEREN:
What is "immortal'ty"? [again, can go with the simple "immortality", it scans]

LUTHIEN:
The air of the forest
The taste of rowan-berries bright [this one is awkward though, it has to go too rapid-fire what Luthien has been doing with these lines. "The red rowan berries bright" flows easier, but loses "taste".

BEREN:
And then what is "love"?

LUTHIEN:
Love makes the weight of immortal living light!





WOW! You are really rocking the imagery in this song. It sounds very nice.


EDIT: crossed with your post. Aaaah, another song to work on! I am barely keeping up with the drafts! Thankfully weekend ahead with theoretically unlimited computer time.