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Old 07-10-2020, 09:08 PM   #56
Galadriel55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huinesoron View Post
Beren aside, V2 Luthien kills it in this one. She may not have the hair, but her acting and singing are spot on.
I like V2 Luthien very much! It's V2 Beren that turns my stomach. And Jareth!Finrod. (Actually, when discussing different versions with my friend - apparently there are many more scattered among Russian social media - we agreed that in V2 you really shouldn't watch Jareth!Finrod, and preferably not hear him either. I would say the same for Mr. Fierce but she is of better mind of his singing/expression than I am.)

I like how in this song she seems so surprised at the concept of death - and that she sees Death as a shadow behind Beren and thinks it is a spirit, perhaps another person.


Anyways, here is the promised B&L breakdown. By the way, looking at the author's site lyrics vs V2 lyrics, there are minor differences, but not significant. Also, FYI, the author misspelled "Beor" as "Beorn", in case you ever look at the original text.

I meant to do this step by step for each melodic theme, but turns out that grouping things by theme is actually more complicated, as I wrote a mini essay on just the first stanza. So scrap that, I will just DADADA the whole thing.


Beren's solo: *** several times doesn't stick to its ideal rhythm, which means more leniency for us as well

DA da da DAAA da DA da da DAAA (1)
DA DA (X ** the letters are near rhymes)
DA da da DAAA da DA da da DAAA (1)
DA DA (Y)
DA da da DAAA da DA da da DAAA (2)
[da] DA DA (X)
DA da da DA [da DA] DA da da DAAA (2) (this line breaks the rhythm because they force a word into an unnatural downbeat, but this is what it should be like)
DA DA (Y)

(Slow part: death watched my back...)
DA da da DA da da DA DA (1)
DA[a] da DA da da DA ... DA DA (2)
DA da [da] DA da da DA ... DA DA (1)
DA da da DAaa DA da da DA DA (2)
It took me forever to transcribe this because it makes no sense, and probably doesn't need to be followed exactly. Essentially it goes to a count of 3 - which you do anyways, I see. I should have checked your translation before I launched into this.

Actually, you know what? It took me ridiculously long. I am skipping over to Luthien's entrance, and screw Beren with his willy nilly rhythm. I will, however, do the rhymes. N means no rhyme that I can identify.

N / A (how you tangled your paths, forest!)
N / B
N / A
N / B

1 / A (moon aims at my back)
1 / B [possibly 1 is just coincidental though]
N / A
N / B

Luthien comes out, they duet. Luthien much better at holding a rhythm. She is not very good at simple rhyming though.

(you came out of the wild forests)
da DA da da DA da DA
da DA da da DA da DA (1)
da DA da da DA da DA
da DA da da DA da DA (2)
da DA da da DA da DA
da DA da [-] DA da da DA da da DA (1)
da DA da da DA da [da] DA
[da] da DA da da DA da DA (2)


(the shadow at my back is death)
DA da da DA [-] da DA [-] da DA da da DA [a count of 3 with some words stretched across 2 counts]


(I heard the word "death") - and repeated the same melody with more rapid syllables.
da da DA da da DA da da
[tri-pa-let] DA da da DA da DA (1)
[tri-pa-let] DA da da da DA da da [da]
da da DA da da DA da DA (2)
da da DA da DA da da DA da da DA da
da DA da da DA da DA (1)
da DA da DA da da DA da da DA
da da DA da DA da da DA da DA (2)

(Not just me - all my people are betrothed with her)
da DA da DA da da DA da DA da da DA

(I touch your unhealed wounds)
da da DA da da DA da da DA da DA
da DA da da DA da da DA (1)
da DA da da DA da da DA da da DA
da DA da DA da da DA (2)
da da DA da DA da da DA da DA
da da DA da DA da da DA (1)
da da DA da DA da da DA da DA da
da da DA da da DA da Da (2)




Since you conveniently split the song here in your posts, this will be where I stop the transcript too and make a few comments on the actual text. Holy moly this is taking me too long - partially because I don't remember the melody and check it line by line to make sure I got it right.

ALSO, and this is GOOD NEWS for us: they are guilty of breaking the rhythm scheme a couple times, and their scheme isn't as strict as the other songs. Basically keep a count of 3 in your head and fit the words over top. The key part is to hit the "one", the downbeat, and the offbeats are often stretched or trippled or what have you.


What I could do is just go though it and do little rhythm corrections (bolded) to illustrate the point. And will add my thoughts in between.



Forest is worn, lost is its green
Raiment
I had a band, loyal and keen
All gone.
I had to flee the shadow that fell
The last out [technically "the" hangs off, but the original text also has a beat hanging off at this spot, so HA!]
Shielding my kin, my soul a mere shell
Near done.

Death was my constant companion [this line is interesting in Russian: death watched/protected my back]
Only reason I lived - her plan! [said the way you would say "don't shoot him when you take him captive, I need him alive!" ... a bit more ominous perhaps than your interpretation]
Company turning to mud, fallen
Mud and swamps of our forest homeland

How you have tangled your paths
Forest!
Where are my kin and my house?
Whither?
Enemy's howling is quiet
Behind me [rhythm-wise you can't have both "away" and "behind", because they overlap on the same off-beat.]
Here is my blood, fresh on the earth
Bleeding

Silver the moon points his bow at my back, aiming
You have become a weed in the marsh, wilting
Why do you weep, Son of Beor, brave one?
Where did they fall, where are they buried, kindred? [A+ for rhythm. Most of it fits perfectly, just minor adjustments ]

LUTHIEN:
You came from the darkened woods
I thought you a wild [?] beast [another syllable begs itself here, or "wild" is stretched over two notes and sounds a little too stretchy]
You lay in a grassy pool
I thought you the early snow
A shadow was at your back...
And cold of winter had gathered around
Like a frost on the Gates of Morn
That had spread to your weary brow.

BEREN:
The shadow that followed behind was my forthcoming death! [maybe "follows", in present? Also, even though it doesn't match Beren's words, it still fits into the rhythm. That's the beauty of this piece.]

LUTHIEN: [this rhyming scheme is perfect. You got it. )
I heard you speak of death
And it aged me a thousand years
I banished her once, but by Eru's grace
I had never known her touch! [just pointing another difference in the Russian: she says she doesn't know what she banished]
When she came her breath made the leaves turn yellow
And fall to the ground like tears
Is she your betrothed, with ebony gown
That she follows you, longs for you so much?

BEREN:
Betrothed indeed, and my kindred before me as well-!

LUTHIEN:
I'm touching your wounds, I'm feeling your blood
And the beat of my heart is loud
You slept as the years flowed past like a stream
I grew weary of counting time!
I am reading your fate like an open book
But the words I read are too crude
Your language is flat like the distant sky [I recommend swapping "your" for "its"; she is talking about the simplicity and crudeness of his fate]
That's Forever out of our reach


Not a lot of corrections to make at all! The bolded bits are to show where I changed things up to fit the rhythm better for illustration purposes, attempting to keep to the meaning but primarily focusing on the rhythm. The beauty of this piece is that despite their rapid singing it is very flexible for rhythm, so it doesn't matter if a syllable gets missed or added so long as it fits the "ONE two three" pattern. I will do Part 2 tomorrow, but for now will say that they also don't stick perfectly to a rhythm with their "what is"es, and your suggestions are probably doable - but I'll sing through it tomorrow and see how it works out.

As for the content - I can't say I have much to say! It sticks to the original very closely. I like the enhanced imagery in your version. It's possible that because this is one of the songs my attention and affection glossed over, I do not feel as strongly about it as I did for others. But as much as I can say from a neutral perspective, it captures both the original and a tad more.

I believe only 2 places where I thought your meaning diverged from the Russian lyrics. The first is when Beren talks about death as his companion. In Russian it sounds quite ominous: "Death was protecting/watching my back: it needs me alive, I know it!" Like what the flip Beren, this is psychological horror movie stuff! The other place is when Luthien banishes Death: "I banished Death, but Eru knows, I did not know what I banished!" It feels more like a continuation of her rant on lack of experience with death, only having immortality as a secondary interpretation. I think both are appropriate in this context, and I like the way you phrased yours; to a degree I think it might be worth keeping the nice phrase and rhyme and sacrificing Luthien's ignorance (or innocence).


Having spent a total of 5 hours sitting at the computer and doing various Zong-related work, I now feel I have fulfilled my daily duty and will sleep peacefully tonight. Unless Sauron's Minions come to haunt me again with more stanzas. :P
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