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Old 12-14-2018, 03:40 PM   #14
gandalf85
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
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I really like the inclusion of the poem at the beginning of this chapter. I agree with Arcus that moving the last line of the poem into the main text makes for a less abrupt start and flows well into the second sentence. I have a few comments/questions:

1)
Quote:
{that }Alatar took Pallando FW-SL-07<moved from below also chosen by{to} Oromë (but {this replaces Pallando to}/favoured by/ Mandos and {Nienna}[Niënna])> as a friend
What justification do we have for saying Pallando was favoured by Mandos and Nienna? The only other mention of Pallando I can find other than Unfinished Tales is HoME 12, and it doesn't say anything there about who he was favoured by. In Unfinished Tales, it appears that Tolkien changed his mind -- initially Pallando was sent by Mandos and Nienna, then later he decided Pallando was sent by Orome. I can't find any other connection between Pallando and Mandos and Nienna.

2) I'm assuming much of the material in the Unfinished Tales chapter has been moved to Volume 3 of TftE. However, there is a large section in the Istari chapter in UT which seems like it makes sense here:

Quote:
Emissaries they were from the Lords of the West, the Valar...would endeavor to dominate and corrupt
This section discusses why the Valar decided to send emissaries and gives more information on the intended purpose of the Istari. I think it makes sense to include this when discussing the councils of the Valar (the first paragraph of this draft). It would require a bit of editing; I can try to add it in if you guys agree it fits here.
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