[The Perky Ent]

THE UN-OFFICIAL DOWNSAHOLIC FIELD GUIDE

Symptoms: Worn out Tolkien Books, millions of page markers in books, spams

Problem: It appears that you are suffering from Bookiosis. Bookisos is a rare disease that occurs to serious posters on the Downs and newbies who post in the first Forum they see.

Cure: Unfortunatly, the only cure for Bookiosis so far will not cure you of being a downsaholic. The only known cure for Bookiosis is to either commit to Nov and New, Quiz Room, Middle Earth Mirth, or join an RPG.

Symptoms: Making fun of Newbies, constantly posting things without much though, bordom induced posting

Problem: You are suffering from Novia-et-Newia, a rare disease found in people who have been posting on the downs for a long time. Very rare, yet easily to cure.


Cure: There is one cure. Get a life. Stop tormenting yourself with the pointlessness. It will only make you more of an addict. Just get a life and move on.

Symptoms: Fried eyes, Broken movies and DVD's. Quoting Spasms.

Problem: Yep! It's a textbook case! You are suffering from Movioma. The actual word would be virus, not disease. It starts to consume you as you constantly post in the movies. Constantly checking the EE appendicies looking for comments.

Cure: A easy cury for Movioma is to watch other movies. A lot of other movies. Hopefully, the dranage effect should reduce your urge. If it doesn't, consider watching a really bad movie. It helps to clear your mind.

Symptoms: Obsessive posting, refreshing the forum every 2 seconds, pestering people about missed posts, constantly bumping threads, having ongoing conversations throughout a thread

Problem: Yes, you have it. The most fatal and popular disease currently spreading through the barrow downs faster then any other. You have Quiz Roomitis!

Cure: Sorry, there is no current cure for Quiz Roomitis. Just live the rest of you life to the fullest!

Symptoms: millions of page markers in books, constant search engines running for quotes, friends searching through multible books

Problem: You are Quotaphobic. Not as powerful as Quiz Room-itis, but still powerful.

Cure:If you get someone to hide your books, and let the threads go bye, it should cure the urge.

Symptoms: Knowing too much about the Sil, being too smart

Problem: You suffer from Silmariliapox

Cure The cure for Silmariliapox is simply to stop being such a nerd. Just don't be a nerd. Ya nerd! God, you're such a nerd!

Symptoms: Forgotten homework assignments, spending all your time on the downs reading, spending weeks on a 5 paragraph post

Problem: You have RPGemia. It is common in a lot of downers and is not easy to cure, as you make a commitment by joining a RPG.

Cure: One cure for RPGemia is going on Hiatus. Taking a break. Saying you'll be out even though you won't. this cure wooks for some, but not others, as they will be caught posting in other forums but not the RPGs. Another harder cure is to balance your time, by placing convient saves and filling them in when you have time. Don't place a save when you know you can't fill it the next day. Also, make a chart of how many day's you have until they kick you out.

Symptoms: Being funny, having humor, having a good time.

Problems: There is nothing wrong with you. By posting in Middle Earth Mirth you prove you're not crazy.

Cure: posting in Middle Earth Mirth is the cure!

ForumStalkeritis

Symptoms: Excessive use of the "Who's Online?" page.

Problem: Someone has been abusing their power. You are suffering from Forum Stalkeritis, a drive-bye disease found during excessive posts.

Cure: The only way to prevent ForumStalkeritis from completely consuming you is repeating this everytime you feel the urge to click on the "Who's Online?" page: "I will not click here...I am not a stalker...I am a leader, not a follower." Repeat 10 times for the best results.

Symptoms: Primarily having long, sometimes massively off topic, almost entirely unreadable posts that are filled with stuff from LotR but are just too long and bizarre to even attempt reading. I myself have done this and, without offending anyone else, can honestly say I have seen posts like this from others (won't say who *whistles innocently*)

Problem: Hyperpostitis.

Cure: Probably a simple toning it down. Long, thought-out posts are always encouraged, but after you've written such an epic monstrousity, take moment to read it over and make sure it is comprehendable

Symptoms: You have become so attached to the Downs and its members that you are terrified of being shunned, even though the fact is unlikely, and thus never post anything controversial, interesting, argumentative, or even as far as your own views because you're afriad someone will disagree

Problem: Barrowostriphobia, a deep rooted fear of earning dislike from any member of the Downs in the form of 'cold-shoulder giving' or ostricism

Cure: Just take a deep breath, wait for the oppurtunity to rise, and post as any person would. Don't be afriad if you're wrong or if someone doesn't agree. Unless you do something really stupid, you're on the right track (if you have done something really stupid, be afraid...be very, very afraid)

Symptoms: An endless list of forum links in your favorites, a link to your own site, highlighted links clicked in other peoples links lists...

Problem: Forumitis

Cure: So far, no known cures, as I believe that I am one of the first noted cases. However, if you delete all the links, disconnect the internet, (Save to go on Barrow-downs...) and invest in a ton of books to mark out quotes, you may at least fall you one of the other noted sicknesses. Other then that, I can offer no hope to those who suffer forumitis.

COPYRIGHT 2004 PERKY ENT MEDIA