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Old 07-08-2020, 08:27 AM   #30
Huinesoron
Overshadowed Eagle
 
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,778
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
She says "I ask (you), give me back that which belongs to me". But I have to say, I like "command" better.

I guess I rationalized it as "this is the last time I'm asking, do it or else".
Command it is! And with a fix to the end of the line: I command you: give me back that which is mine!

And... then I decided to tackle something really hard.

The Oath of the Sons of Feanor

An ancient oath is leading our House down this road
An ancient oath has bound us together with blood
The Oath is stronger than kin
Stronger than Angband iron and grim
But this is our fight!
This is our fight!
This is our fight!
And the jewel-thief must die!

The star-bright gems are our hope
Our cause and our woe.
Their light now marred by the crown of our thrice-curséd foe
We vowed to you, Feanor, not to rest till your gems are reclaimed once more
My brother, I see
My brother, tell me
My brother, will we
Bring our enemy low?

Chained by our oath we press on through the night on the path that our fate has wrought
Any who stand in our way will be cast at our side to the dark we court!

Light of the Crown
Vault of the Heavens
Blood of our sire
Name of our Kindred
I swear this Oath
Here in the Night
Swear to complete
The Quest for the Light

O Silmarils, bound to our honour
We call as witness the Powers of Arda
Blood in our veins, flow out like water
If we turn back from claiming the treasure

Cursed be the hands, Mortal or Vala
Daring to sully the gems of our Father
Beat of our hearts is the beat of a hammer
Break Morgoth's crown, reclaim our treasure

Wind of the West, stand as my witness
(Swear to this oath!)
Waves of the Sea, rise to remind me
(Swear to this oath!)
Fire in your anger, ravage our standard
(Swear to this oath!)
One hope now for the children of Fire
Sworn is the Oath and the Oath will drive us!

One by one, the oath-bound warriors fall
Crushed by a burden heavy enough for us all
We vowed to you, Feanor, not to rest till your gems are reclaimed once more
And those who survive
And those still alive
The Oath will still drive
Fulfill the Oath for us all.

Like hounds on the hunt, we follow the trail
Of our fallen through endless Night
This road holds no hope, but such is our doom
We know that, brother mine!
My brother, we know
My brother in woe
My brother, we'll go…!


The absolute biggest issue here is that 'my brother' has one more syllable than 'мой брат', and the lines centred on it only have five syllables to start with! Unless I wanted to go with "my bro" (no), I had a lot of compression to do.

The Oath itself was fun. The lengthy Russian for 'cursed by the hands' meant I got to drop in a book-reference with "Mortal or Vala", and the "X of the Y" structure fitted really well into the cadence.

The long rapid lines, such as the one I've got as "We vowed to you, Feanor, not to rest till your gems are reclaimed once more", were probably the hardest; those commas shouldn't really be there, since the rhythm just charges straight through. But it does scan, I think.

This was the song I thought would be most difficult, so I'm pleased I was able to make it work.

hS
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