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Old 07-07-2020, 04:24 PM   #26
Huinesoron
Overshadowed Eagle
 
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,778
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
FINALLY I actually read it to the end! Twice on my brief breaks I tried to read through the whole thing, and both times got called away for work half way through. The result of which was that the song wqs stuck in my head during a surgery, creating a hilatious juxtaposition of dialogue. "Lights off please! - But you are not up to games of light and darkness!", or "Pass me the clamp! - Quendi are merely servants of the masters that they curse!" I was dying of curiosity to see how you would translate the Quendi insult - I love the way it sounds!
Thanks! I went through three or four versions of that line until I was happy. The good part is, if you prefer 'Quendi' to 'Elves', you just have to remove 'naught' to make it fit.

(It was 'servants' until the very last second, but whether he's talking about the Valar or Melkor, Sauron would say slaves.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
I might be mistaken, if I'm just reading this line incorrectly, but I think you're over the rhythm on the first line by a beat. "Of Life" sticks out extra. Even if I count strong beats, it's supposed to be 7, but the top line has 7.5 or 8 (plus a rhythm break in the middle). What if you just lop off the end, and shuffle the second line to end on "strong" to rhyme with Song?

Nothing you can do will change a note of Arda's Song
Threads are woven in their pattern drear and tight and strong.
^This one. This is another line I repeatedly changed. The subtitles say 'the Song of Creation'. 'Of Life' was a way to make that fit... but with Arda named, you don't need it! Arda has only one Song.

I believe I made it fit with some very weird beats - 'no THING y'do will CHANGE anote'. That actually matches Sauron's rhythm, but the more deliberate feel of your version works much better.

I did have trouble with the lines that have lots of rapid syllables (like that one) ; it was hard to work out exactly how many I needed! There's a fair few instances of 'I know she said more, but we'll just make it a long note' in the translation.

hS
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