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Old 07-15-2020, 02:29 AM   #100
Huinesoron
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,778
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Trying to keep this short:

Heart:

-I know 'Remember' is too long, but couldn't find an alternative. I've subbed in 'Strange how'.

-I assume 'late wine' is as in 'last of the summer wine'; perhaps wine from late-season grapes is stronger or sweeter? I actually had 'aged' in there for a while, but decided to go for something that hung together instead.

Edit: It's both; grapes get more sugar with sun + warm weather, so late summer wine is both sweeter and more alcoholic. So, though I usually sway away from metaphor: And you're stunned by summer's late wine!

Other changes accepted.

Epilogue:

-For the 'sunset glow' part: is Forgiving all oaths a possibility for that final line? It would get forgiveness in, but also reference back to his key forgivenesses (Cel'n'Cur, and Beren for swearing to get a Silmaril - and himself).

'When he took the Westerly road?' - it does evoke the Straight Road, but not I think exclusively. We've had death as a road a few times (Amarie says it), and it does lead westward. It also links back to Finrod's repeated invocation of the Western Wind.

-'Havens grey' - since we're not saying 'Grey Havens', I think this is fine. The sea is grey in the havens, and the very skies are grey with weariness at the passing of the Firstborn, etc etc.

-I like 'the fading shadows in the waves'. Perhaps 'on'? My only concern with 'in' is that it sounds like they've all drowned. Shades of The Last Unicorn there.

-I think I prefer 'to guard your dreams and in them dwell' over 'where mem'ries dwell', but only if the idea that the Eldar live in our dreams is supported by the Russian text.

Otherwise agree.

Duel:

-How about 'no ending tells their song'?

-'Stark' - I know. :-/ Happy to consider any alternatives, I struggled with that bit.

-Doubt: I'd love to keep the reference in, and I think the current line is the best we've had yet, but I'm still sure it can be improved. I like your interpretation.

Otherwise, and generally: accepted, and thank you.

Next up:

I'm perfectly happy to do Amarie's other song (she's a lot easier to work with than certain everyone-elses), and also the Brothers Feanorian. That would give me the Renunciation, the Quarrel, Luthien and the Feanorians (which I can't call At Bay, since she totally isn't), and Wind, which I think is enough to be getting on with for now. Will possibly start with the Quarrel.

I might also take Menegroth, since I think I'll have done everything else Thingol-Melianish, and I enjoy Melian's parts particularly.

(As for 'Halt' - isn't it a night-time halt on their journey? That's how I read it. If it's not, then perhaps the title is more like 'Pause'?)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55
However, during Beren's arrival to Nargothrond - if he spoke this way to Finrod "in real life", he's be shot dead a dozen times over, ring or no ring. And I broke up laughing during their Prison Duet, because just as Mr. Fierce is saying "there is no fairer face", he looks like his fist is about to correct the situation.
And this is why I quite like Jareth!Finrod - he has exactly the right expressions for someone dealing with ThugBeren. You can see him thinking, "Your father was scrawny and sarcastic, Beor was scrawny and sarcastic, how did you end up six foot four and full of muscle?"

hS

Last edited by Huinesoron; 07-15-2020 at 02:57 AM.
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