View Single Post
Old 07-09-2020, 12:45 PM   #38
Huinesoron
Overshadowed Eagle
 
Huinesoron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,778
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
Hey, you got in Feanoro!

I think on the whole I like the content of the translation, but this one is probably not my favourite of your pieces in terms of flow, because it looses so much of the rhyming scheme in passing. My favourite line is probably "a single wave of royal hand". Way to underline Comedy Thingol (the immortal creation of Eru, no less!).
Rhymes! I knew there was something I forgot. :O

Okay, I've gone back and made sweeping changes, and edited the post (no point throwing the whole thing out a second time). The first three sections all had their second lines changed; I've replaced the first 'O my king' section; the first line of the 'black banners' verse is changed; Thingol's love is now strong and proud (not strong and true); the 'love only once' line is changed; and I've changed the final 'O my king' a little (wrought > done). I'm not sure I like either of the last to O My Kings, but I can't think of a way to improve them. (As far as I can tell, they're not meant to rhyme with anything; they occasionally do, but that's just how language works.)

~

The Surgeons Feanorion are amazing. My wife is a nurse; I think I will have to sing this at her. Given that they apparently do April Fools' Day performances of the musical, I can't help feeling the performers would approve. ^_^

hS
Huinesoron is offline   Reply With Quote