[the guy who be short]

Angawen Tupsë was not finding Mordor agreeable. She had thought that the name "The Black Land" was purely metaphorical, and had been surprised at the blasted landscape she found within those borders she had been so unwilling to cross. Compared to the thought of Minas Tirith glowing in pleasant summer evening sunlight, it was almost unbearable. Characteristically, her face belied none of her thoughts, remaining as stonily constant as usual.

Upon entering the forbidding Mordorian building - the Spymaster's official building, Angawen thought darkly - she had been directed straight to her quarters. Those rooms were to be her own for however long this mission would take. Lady Martinet, apparently Lady Umfuil's second in command, had shown her the sparse, dank lodgings. The rooms had not impressed, though Angawen had been impressed by the apparent high position of women in Mordor. "Perhaps," she thought, "this is not such a fell place after all." She amused herself by thinking what Hyarmenwë's response to powerful women would be.

"There is no need to keep your bodyguards here," Miss Martinet had said, indicating the two burly men posted outside Angawen's room. "You are here under diplomatic protection. No harm will come to you in this building, we have our own men for that."

Angawen had smiled coldly. "Thank you, Lady, but old habits are not easy to shake. I should feel more secure with my men here."

"This is most unorthodox," the woman had replied, but she did not seem willing to press the issue.

****

As the room erupted around her, Lady Angawen did not even flinch. She sat upright, trademarkly expressionless, in her chair. Her husband had been rather fond of riddles in his time, and she knew this trick - Igör was merely teasing. She allowed her mind to wander as the others, excluding Igör, who now looked rather worried, and Miss Martinet, watching silently from one side, explored Igör's statement.

The conversation seemed to focus on Hyarmenwë repeating that it was impossible to live without lying, the other Gondorians vaguely supporting him, and the Mordorian diplomats supporting the creature, except for one who claimed Igör lied to her often about her own arboreal nature. Angawen wondered briefly why Mardil had sent such an ostentatious fool on this mission. But of course, it was for his loyalty. He was presumably meant to keep her own intuititive side in check.

Her musings were interrupted by a high-pitched whistle from Skittles. The diplomats from both sides quietened down (though Hyarmenwë persisted in muttering to himself a little longer).

Angawen decided to ignore Skittles and the conversation surrounding her. Such a woman was a disgrace to humanity and to be in the same room as her pained Angawen. She continued sitting and musing.

As soon as the woman had finished making a complete idiot of herself (in Angawen's eyes, in any case), Miss Martinet asked for another diplomat to go next. Nobody volunteered. Her eyes stalked around the room and settled on Angawen. "Lady Tupsë, you have been silent throughout this game. Would you please state two facts and a lie?"

Angawen blinked and licked her lips, but her face otherwise remained as stony as ever, before replying, "May I enquire as to the reason why we are performing this activity? It does not appear to be productive to our diplomatic mission."

All eyes turned to Miss Martinet, who simply replied, "It is an icebreaker."

"Be that as it may, our mission here is not to make acquaintances but to discuss and solve the problem of illicit emigration from Mordor into the Kingdom of Gondor. I do not see how sharing details about our personal lives could result in such, unless, of course, the minds of Mordor work in ways too deep for me to comprehend." She pulled her mouth into a smug smile.

Her soft tirade did not, however, have the desired effect on Miss Martinet, who replied in a rather bored manner "Miss Umfuil said we were here to break ice. Get breaking, lady."

"Is this a game? We are not here to be your toys, nor for your amusement, Lady Martinet," she replied coldly. "We are here to solve-"

But she was cut off before she could continue. "I am perfectly aware as to why you are here. Now please, participate fully or we can arrange for your return to Gondor."

Angawen was incensed. Though she kept her face carefully neutral, she was aware that blood must be rushing to it, colouring her face. "Is that a threat?" she questionned almost levelly, but with a hint of aggression.

"Yes," Miss Martinet replied simply, to Angawen's utter annoyance. She was unused to dealing with other women of power, and not best pleased to be mocked and bullied by this foreigner.

"Igör did not perform the task appropriately. What is to be his punishment?" she responded with a little twitch of the mouth.

Miss Martinet rolled her eyes, sighed, looked at Igör and said something that sounded like a reprimand in English that Angawen did not understand. "In Gondor, we consider it rude to speak a foreign tongue in the company of others who do not comprehend it."

"You're in Mordor, honey. Gondor's customs don't apply here."

"Oh, is that so?" Angawen replied, now thoroughly annoyed. She was aware that she was probably visibly showing her rage now, and this further fuelled her anger. Jumping up and turning to Bearugard, she insulted the Mordorians in Quenya. "This rabble is a joke," she indicated the Mordorian ambassadors.

Before he could reply, however, Miss Martinet had replied, in perfect Quenya, "You really are a pompous idiot. You know that?"

Angawen ignored the insult in her startledness. Her anger seemed to fade all at once and was replaced by a deep shame in being baited by this woman, in being subservient to her, in discovering that she was far sharper than she at first appeared. She sat back down quietly, defeated.

"Now," Miss Martinet returned to Westron, "I shall not ask you another time. Say two truths and a lie, or I shall arrange your demission."

Angawen wasn't sure how much authority Miss Martinet held, but decided it was safer not to retort angrily. Instead, she tried once again to be clever, and replied somewhat drily, "My name is Angawen Tupsë. I live in Gondor. I have, thus far, been much impressed by the calibre of the Mordorian intellect. In particular, I believe Miss MacFarlewyn to be a fine example of intelligent feminity and sanity, and Igör to be a delightful, worthy and most witty... man."

Instead of the laughs she expected from her fellow Gondorians, her comment was met with an embarrassing silence. She felt a little remorse seeing the downcast look on Igör's face. She was on the verge of an apology when Skittles broke the silence.

"AHA! I get it! The last one is a lie because Igör isn't actually a man."