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Old 02-03-2019, 02:50 PM   #15
gandalf85
Wight
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
gandalf85 has just left Hobbiton.
Here are my comments on the Treason of Isengard chapter:

1) This is my attempt at including a resolution for Balin:

Quote:
The Companions journeyed in secret far from Rivendell in the North, until baffled in their attempt to cross the high pass of Caradhras in winter, they were led by Gandalf through the hidden gate and entered into the vast Mines of Moria, seeking a way underneath the mountains. RSO-SL-23.1 <Treason of Isengard; Mines of Moria (2): The Bridge The Company of the Ring {stood some time in silence beside} found the tomb of Balin. RSO-SL-23.2 <Tale of Years Balin had perishe{s}d, and the dwarf-colony {is}was destroyed.> RSO-SL-23.3 <Return of the Shadow; The Mines of Moria They {are}were pursued by goblins and {a B[lack] R[ider] [written above:} a Balrog{]} after escaping from Balin's Tomb - they {come}came to a bridge of slender stone over a gulf.> There Gandalf, in battle with {a}the dreadful spirit of the underworld, fell into a dark abyss...
Admittedly not the smoothest, but it's the best I could come up with. Let me know if you guys find anything better.

2)
Quote:
Footnote: The Ents are here left out of account, as they were by all save Gandalf. But unless Gandalf could have brought about the rising of the Ents several days earlier (as from the narrative was plainly not possible), it would not have saved Rohan.
I think "the narrative" is referring to the published Lord of the Rings and feels awkward here. I propose we change it to:

Quote:
Footnote: The Ents are here left out of account, as they were by all save Gandalf. But unless Gandalf could have brought about the rising of the Ents several days earlier (as RSO-SL-27.1 {from the narrative} was plainly not possible), it would not have saved Rohan.
There is another instance of this later on:

Quote:
Footnote: As the narrative suggests, Gandalf must already have made contact with Treebeard
I say we remove the reference to "the narrative":

Quote:
RSO-SL-27.8 {As the narrative suggests}, Gandalf must already have made contact with Treebeard
3)
Quote:
What followed is less clear, since only Gandalf had full knowledge of it. He received news of the disaster only in the late afternoon of March the 3rd. RSO-SL-27.5 <based on LotR, Appendix B By this time Erkenbrand had been defeated.> RSO-SL-27.7 <based on UT; The Drúedain; Note 13 So he <moved from below had {been} driven away southwards parts <moved from below of Saruman’s forces>{A marginal jotting states that after}. After the Battle of the Fords of Isen it was found that many Drúedain did indeed survive in the Drúwaith Iaur, for they came forth from the caves where they dwelt to attack remnants of Saruman's forces that had been driven away southwards.>
I have a question about "So he had driven away southwards..." Is this referring to Gandalf? It comes immediately after a statement about Erkenbrand. If it's Gandalf, I think we should make it clear. Also, the phrase "So he had driven away" sounds awkward to my ears. I propose:

Quote:
RSO-SL-27.7b <based on UT; The Drúedain; Note 13 So {he}Gandalf <moved from below {had been driven}drove away southwards parts <moved from below of Saruman’s forces>{A marginal jotting states that after}. After the Battle of the Fords of Isen it was found that many Drúedain did indeed survive in the Drúwaith Iaur, for they came forth from the caves where they dwelt to attack the remnants of Saruman's forces that had been driven away southwards.>
I also added a "the" to the second reference to the remnants of Saruman's forces.

4) I only found one typo:

Quote:
and the loyalty of Théodred and Éomer remained steadfast, even in his apparent dotage,
There should be a period instead of comma after dotage.
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