Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55
Since we've taken after the V2 structure, with both Blind and Madness together at the end...
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How to tell we've been doing this a long time... what was the reason we did that, again?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55
...That was actually surprising for me to hear. I didn't think there was anything wrong with the line, I thought is was perfectly fine aesthetically, and a precise and beautifully phrased translation. My quibble is more with the original lyrics, which repeatedly insist on linking Thigol's death and personal downfall with the Fall of Doriath, even though they are distinct events (e.g. "fell doom has fallen on the king under the hand of his own kinsfolk"). So I keep wavering about this line too ("you lost YOUR battle" in Russian), whether to keep up the link between Thingol and Doriath, or if making it "THE battle" leaves it more true to The Sil as it remains very vague.
So I actually quite like that line, except for being undecided between one source material and another. But if you feel strongly that it should be changed, I think it's best to keep the meaning there as much as possible. I don't see any problems with the flow, but if you're looking for a more exact rhyme, maybe something with "blow"? "Your foolish words have dealt your death-blow"? I feel like nothing I can come up with is actually better that what's already there.
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Ehhhh. I mean, it's a perfectly fine line, but I don't think it fits the stanza at all. That's a wonderfully poetic stanza, very abstract, and then she ends with 'you've been a bit silly'. Plus, "lost the battle" is too close to "won the battle but lost the war" - it not only sounds wrong, but also implies that he'll win in the end.
... which, I mean, I guess the quest of the Silmaril
did ultimately lead to the fall of Angband, but Thingol wasn't around to appreciate it.
I like 'death-blow'; currently looking at:
And [in/from] your [[reckless/bitter] words/words of wrath] the death-blow
Could be 'my' or 'your' deathblow, but Melian doesn't die, and 'hey hubby, your time's up' seems a bit blunt!
Also, and this does come back to your question. I think I like it vague: that way, Melian's vision covers all the bases. Finrod's death, Thingol's death, the fall of Doriath - but also the War of Wrath. The whole thing would actually work as a foresight of Ancalagon's death - his ruined wings as black banners draped over the wreck of Thangorodrim, and the Silmaril freed by Thingol's pride bringing him down.
EDIT: The final image of the prologue, right before the title card:
Finrod grieves after learning of Barahir's death. A scene which doesn't actually appear in the Silm or the Lay, though it
must have happened, and so inspired here directly by the
Leithian Script:
Quote:
Finrod:
Where did they go, master of my Household? How shall we account for them?
Two years of grim hornlocked contest, driven back hoof by hoof until the slip
and rout of Minas Tirith, leaving the winner to bellow and tear across the North
without bar; five years after of grateful respite, when our Enemy seemed content
to hold what he'd taken without further onslaught, barring us in turn, testing us
in small ways that did not cost us much, and we recovered from the Burning or
so it seemed, so far as that could be. And then after it was done we learned of
the trials of the far marches, and their silent fall, and we knew why we had had
so much of peace -- "so much" I say, when it was in truth as an hour, was it not?
[The Steward nods]
An hour that slipped by unnoticed, and they were gone from this world. And I
mourned them, as did you all, and reproached myself, and knew it vain, and set
my mind to the safeguarding of the West, and the keeping of this City, and the
inevitable clash that is to come -- and thought to honor them in this way. And
then the strange news came, in the very days that war kindled anew against my
kinsman, and I much distracted, of one the Singers said the woods themselves sang
of, and a name not yet dead under the stars, and I rejoiced with you, and before
I did anything word came hard upon the first that he was gone, overwhelmed by an
army of wolves and dark sorcery. And again I mourned, and thought the song of
Beor was done --
[as he speaks he rings the lowest string of the harp, twelve times, and then once more]
until the hour that he came before me, famished, in rags, far past his strength
-- asking only because what had been demanded of him was beyond any mortal measure
-- No sword, no spear or bolt I've ever taken has hurt a fraction as much -- not
the Cold, not the sight of the fires in the East -- only that other Fire, and the
fall of knowledge that my brothers were gone: for I knew then that Morgoth's lies
were true, that we should spend their brief lives in lieu of our own, and think no
more of it than of a faithful hound slain by wolf or boar --
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If my plans don't change, this will also be the first shot of the Epilogue - but with the throne empty.
hS