Laments
Eswen: The first Lament is the more lyrical and Elvish sounding. The second one reminds me of the Norse, so that would more likely come from someone from Rohan. Unless that's the Dark Queen. I like them both in their own ways.
One change or so I would make before you edit the 1st version into your Eswen lament post:
Her very essence was star and moonlight
And so she quited the earth when dawn rose.
Elves probably wouldn't talk about "very essence", so... how about.....
Her heart was star and moonlight;
She quitted earth when dawn rose.
Another suggestion; instead of
Birds sing enchanting melodies.
how about....
Birds sing songs of enchantment
....I don't know - mine's not much better, it's just that I'm looking for a more flowing feel to the line.
And I'm sorry but the next line always reminds me of a shampoo...
No more tears shall be shed from her crystal blue eyes
No longer will she weep from despair in these mortal lands,
No longer will she feel the pain of death around her
How about....
Never shall her crystal eyes be stained with tears
She shall weep no more from despair in mortal lands
No more shall she feel the pain of death
I'm not exactly sure why I prefer the latter to the former. You decide.
The parts that I haven't commented on for suggestions, are exquisite!
Elora (and others):
Time is indeed pressing on this rp. I plan on a final closing post to be uploaded on May 31, which will include the journey and report in Bree, and the denouement in terms of each character.
It seems that the preferred method of keeping various characters going is to go to the Inn of either the Shire, Gondor, or Rohan, and branch off from there. An alternative to that, is to request permission from an appropriate rp leader to dove-tail into that rp. Yet another alternative is to beg, borrow, and plead with Pio for the mercy to follow the progress of various characters to wherever they're going until they arrive at one of the three Inns, or another rp.
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