[Kath]

Sai stared in horror at the car she was supposed to be driving. She'd never even driven something the size one of the little French cars never mind one of these huge PT Cruisers! As she stepped towards it, the orc named Lûgnût leapt out from the other side, making Sai jump and causing her to fall off the pavement and into the car. Shooting her arms out she managed to catch herself on the wing mirror and was just regaining her balance when it snapped off. Horrified at her seemingly wanton destruction Sai tried to reattach it, but was stopped by the orc who was smiling broadly. Well, she assumed he was smiling, though it did look more like he was about to cough up a hairball, or very possibly an entire cat. Having not been here that long Sai wasn't exactly sure what was included in an orcs diet, though she was quite certain it would be nothing she would choose to eat herself. Nevertheless he was smiling and taking the broken mirror from her hands he exchanged it for a piece of paper with her name on it and some keys.

"What's this?" she asked in confusion.

"Your drivers license. There you see your name, which you will need to sign under, and there's your details and . . ."

"Wait - what? How can I have passed the test? I didn't even get in the car! I just broke it!"

"But you have understood perfectly the principle of driving on Mordorian roads. You want to get to where you're going so to, well, Mordor, with anyone else! It doesn't matter whether you see them or not, though you do tend to get in more trouble with the insurance people if you crash and you did see them. So, to keep premiums down, no wing mirrors mean you didn't see them and so you can't be at fault. Makes perfect sense!"

Sai just stared at him, trying to work out if she had understood anything the orc had just said. Apparently ignorance was the best policy on the roads, and she decided it might be the best policy right now as well because if that was the test then ridiculously easy was about the understatement of the millennium. Forcing her face into a smile she took the piece of paper and scribbled her name on it before heading back over to Mardil. Everything going on around her right now was just too confusing for her to want to even try and figure it out. She'd not been in a situation where she was dependent wholly upon herself before (thanks to those neurotic and over protective parents of hers) and she wasn't too keen to begin her independence in the middle of Mordor, especially not with this cold fog that had just rolled in.

She returned to her car after a quick word with him and was just about to begin loading her spare tyres into it when she felt a hand grab her arm. She was whirled around and as she turned a wire was slipped around her neck and something small and black was attached to it. Batting hands away from her body she backed away and bumped right into a man with a large black box sitting on his shoulder.

"Who are you? What do you want? And what is this thing" she cried out, lifting up the wire on her neck and pointing at it.

"We, young lady, are your kamura crew, and that is a my crow phone. "

My what? Thought Sai, before remembering Mardil's words about the reality crews. She knew she should do as he asked, well, as he told her. Arrogant and bossy he may be, but it wasn't like she had anyone better right now. She wasn't too keen though on the idea of having a group of strange men in the car with her. She hated that even now her mother's warnings about not getting into a car with strangers kept ringing in her ears, and that (as well as the mans referring to her as 'young lady') gave her the courage to resolutely ignore her doubts and make the most of this situation.

"And you are supposed to be following me and filming all I do right?"

Receiving nods from those around her she smiled triumphantly, before sitting down on the edge of the pavement and declaring,

"Well, I'm not going to be going anywhere until all those spare tyres are stacked neatly in the boot, so you'd best get on with it."

Realising they'd been had the kamura crew began to argue, but Sai sat silently examining a most interesting puddle and, noting they had a stubborn one on their hands, the crew reluctantly acceded to her demand. As they began heaving tyres into th car, Sai looked up again and reflectively enquired as to the availability of food. When no answer was forthcoming she sighed quietly and stood up. Theatrically raising her arm to her head she threw it across her eyes and fell gently to the floor, crying out that she had low blood sugar, and that if she didn't get food this instant she would surely not make it through the next test. Lowering her arm she saw a packet of something heading her way at a fair pace, and she snatched it before it could hit her. Barely looking at the label (which said Pronged Cockerel Tail crisps) she ripped it open and guzzled the first morsel of food she'd had in the past 48 hours or so.

Just as she finished her breakfast and her new crew finished loading the tyres, Sai saw Mardil peel away in his Cruiser. Standing up she meandered over to the car, looking as though she was going in no particular direction. Some of the crew turned when she stood up, and she waited until they had gone back to their tasks and closed the boot before wrenching open the drivers door, leaping inside and slamming on the central locking system (helpfully labelled with a big red key sign). Her transformation into an orc was surprising but not painful, and she was quite pleased with the fingernails she developed, having long suffered from the bad habit of biting her own nails. Looking at the encrusted dirt and who knew what else that was on her hands now, she thought she might just have been cured of that particular problem. The crew left stranded outside banged on the window in indignation and Sai rolled it down just enough to yell back at them.

"If you want to film me you're just going to have to catch me - if you can!"

She then turned the key in the ignition as she had seen Mardil do when he set off and slammed her feet down onto whichever pedals happened to be in reach. The car jerked backwards, knocking the crew away and bumping into the kamura van behind it with an audible and destructive sounding crunch. It wasn't exactly purposeful on Sai's part, but she certainly hoped it would mean it took them a little longer to catch up. She was shy enough about small camera's, let alone these ginormous kamuras! Several seconds later she found the forward pedal, and sped away, learning to steer as she went, though not fast enough for the unfortunate lamp post on her right which received a severe dent as she screeched past, and the even more unfortunate pedestrian who had to leap halfway up the now bent lamp post to avoid being crushed between it and the car.

After a while she saw Mardil's Cruiser parked up ahead, and had a slight panic attack as she tried to work out how to brake. Lifting her feet off all the pedals had something of a slowing effect, but she was saved from the need to to anything else by the handily placed bin bags that had been haphazardly thrown around the place but had ended up on the swerving route she was taking. Whatever they had in them was strong enough to withstand the impact of the large car and she skidded to a halt.

Throwing open the door she collapsed out onto the ground and debated with herself as to who was going to turn up first, the crew or Mardil, as she slowly returned to her normal self.