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Old 07-08-2020, 04:19 PM   #33
Galadriel55
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
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Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
^ That is exactly correct. I am not sure if the syllables seem to blend in because Cel'n'Cur are out of sync, or because the vowel combos just sound like long vowels to English speakers. If you are ever in doubt, by the way, I'd be glad to do the rhythm breakdown for you. All of the text is very strictly structured (another point to Lora and Lina!), but small deviations can be easily forgiven in translation.

The second version is a perfect fit rhythm-wise, and sounds nice too. I really like the original Russian in that line, "the oath is sworn but the earth doesn't hold us", but I don't think it's translatable. It just gives me this imagery of how awful you have to be that the earth itself rejects your presence, besides the more literal interpretation that they suffer loss after loss and keep retreating farther from their goal. "The Oath is our master" is neat in a different way: it emphasizes that all the actions of the bros are dictated by their oath above all things, even when they hate it and regret ever saying it.


Meanwhile, I almost figured out a decent rhyme for the first Nargothrond stanza. Now nees the same for the second, and will post the result.


EDIT: tried singing the Feanorian song again, and another line that made the rhythm trip a little is "the Oath is stronger than kin" in the first stanza. It corresponds to ДРЕВ-ня-я КЛЯТ-ва силь-НЕ-е родст-ВА. Might I suggest a small addition, "THE oath is STRONGer than BLOOD and than KIN"?


EDIT 2: You can tell I'm back in the medical world when those expressions start seeping into my regular vocabulary. I was trying to see if the last line in Verse 1 can be forced back into the rhyming scheme, and what else would my brain come up with except for "the jewel-thief will code!" (to explain, "to code" is slang in reference to Code Blue, ie cardiac arrest).
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Last edited by Galadriel55; 07-08-2020 at 04:51 PM.
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