The Complete English Libretto
Brief comments response:
Captivity - no arguments from me on any point.
Epilogue - I promise it makes sense.
Wind - I have no idea what I've done with the downbeats, but as long as you're happy... going with the 'dust' reading on the 'ruins' line, and following your advice on the 'maples' stanza.
I think I prefer 'o'er' in the final stanza; I can get 'liesthick Over' to fit, but it's a push. This
is a lament, I feel like it's okay for Amarie to slow down a bit. ^_^
Camp - I like the Oath line, and have no problem at all with throwing all the for- words in! Also: that section is the one place I feel Finrod the Goblin King's acting really falls down. He flips modes completely.
I think 'Ash of the Havens' works very well.
And now...
Prison Duet
I think 'trumpet' in the first stanza feels a bit too Christian and not Middle-earth-y enough. It refers back to Finrod hearing horns calling in the woods back in the Renunciation. Can we do
I hear the last horn's singing call?
I think I prefer the 'be gone/linger on' ending to this stanza; 'we both know plain' has a bit of a forced-rhyme feel to it.
Agree on 'did wander'.
I would be very sad to lose 'Throne of Day' from the lyrics. I can see why you've dropped it - the Russian is much more consise - but I love the image. How about
At Throne of Day?
I can't quite get the 'witness mesmerised' line to scan, but I trust you.
The King/Sing line... how about this?
BEREN: Do you fear death and what's to come?
FINROD: All that is left to me is song!
With 'song' implying 'the Song', as well as 'I literally can't do anything but make up ditties to pass the time'.
The 'dread' passage is really good. One question: is it the duty
I could not fulfil, or
we, or
one? (The subtitles give 'you', which is excessively cruel of Beren.)
'Together stand in cage and s/Song' is a wonderful line.
Your trail in treachery imbued, - this sounds like an accusation against Luthien and Amarie. :O How about
:
About your path are foes untrue?
Which directly references the Lay of Leithian, where 'untrue' is how the Nargothrondrim describe Cel'n'Cur.
Suggest
Is burning with a flame unseen, unless that really doesn't capture the meaning.
At Throne of Day again. 'What shall I say?' works very well, actually.
I hear the last horn's singing call again.
On the 'two lights' - I think Finrod literally means 'only one of us can live, and I choose you'. That could be made explicit with
Of OUR two lights, but might be better with
Of THESE two lights to present some ambiguity.
Overall, this is good! It's very much just tweaks I'm making.
hS