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Old 07-20-2020, 07:41 AM   #136
Huinesoron
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 3,778
Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.Huinesoron is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Coming back to Captivity, have a range of syllables!

The ice of our enchanted bonds - chills
Like Dark[ness/Night] Eternal[/Everlasting]
Like hammer falling on a raised shield
The foe is crushing.


I think that second line either has a beat I'm not seeing in the lyrics, or 'chills' is trying to run over into the first beat of it.

I get the "years of hardship" stanza now! My only quibble is that it has a "THE oath" in the middle. Can I suggest We followed Oathbound through the Great Ice?

I don't think there's a problem with stretching the final words - it fits the style of the song.

I've been a proud king. How upon my death
I shall be known
< Dare I suggest Shall I be known?

Ah, and we come to the Price. So:

He will feel the blame for every death before his eyes

That's pretty good! Could even be He will blame himself for, or alternately, He will feel the shame of.

I still can't get my head around Finrod's response here, so I shall leave it to you for now.

Skipping down slightly for a brief glimpse at the Epilogue:

Why did my fair brother go
Into sunset glow,
Who forgave all oaths?


Perfectly grammatical - knock out the central clause, and you're left with "Why did Tim leave, who brought such lovely cakes?".

And back to Wind:

No sound tonight - Just No sound now works.

"It comes out to woodLAND pathWAY, and blooMING linDENS." - I... don't think it does? I hear a very firm DUST is SWIRLing O-ver WOODland PATHway structure on these lines. Is there a syllable somewhere that's throwing me off?

My whole world is like a house in ruins - I never liked that line anyway. ^_~ Let's see:

My whole world has crumbled into dust
My world crumbles; I cannot avert
My light fades into a meagre spark

Coming to the key passage now, how does this work:

Hear my words flowing out between us
To bear you back to star-leaved maples
And with your bright crown of golden locks
You will raise your head and answer me at last:
Why did you turn from my side?


Let me become as the silent trees

I'm singing 'as the silent trees' precisely over 'соком и смолой', and 'соком' easily has space for 'and the'. It's 'become' that's rushed.

"This has the same problem as before, woodLAND pathWAY. Since this ideally rhymes with "lie"... How about "Over woodland pathway a thick mist lies"?"

I still don't hear it, but also, "woodland pathway" is only there for the reference back to the previous verse, and to make it long enough. If we're dropping it I'd go for Over woodland path a silver mist lies.

The leafy fingers weave their web

Yep, that's one's short; not sure why. Um... And the fingered branches weave their green webs?

Lord, is all this world a lie?

Yeah, I've deliberately ignored her flurry of words there in favour of style. I think it resynchs on 'all'.

About to post, but: crosspost!

"though I feel like your version of "for the Oath's sake" is missing syllables" < I am positive it is! Please fix it, I just gave up.

"Was Alqualonde ever burned?"

Well. As far as I know, not explicitly per Tolkien, but... when armies fight in cities, the cities burn. That goes back at least to Troy ("Was this the face that launch'd a thousand ships / And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?"), so it's not unreasonable. Also, Feanor, fire, they kind of go together.

"I get to keep "Untrembling"? Yay!"

Of course! English loves adding prefixes to things. In this case the OED even has a cite for it, going back to 1570 when it was spelt "Vntrembling".

I will see what I can do about either adapting Thingol or reading the Duet later.

hS
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