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Old 10-08-2003, 04:24 PM   #436
Imladris
Tears of the Phoenix
 
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Join Date: Jun 2003
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Imladris has just left Hobbiton.
Tolkien

Quote:
Here is my own question. If Rangers don't like to track in the dark, why would they locate a concealed cellar in the dark? Seems to plausible that they might not. Barrold has used this cellar in past for his activities. It is concealed, but not indetectible in daylight.
My understanding is that cellars are located outside a house, in the ground, and are accessed by a trap door. Now, rangers aren't stupid and they would assuredly search the house and grounds thoroughly before they left. Another thing: you weren't exactly clear where the cellar was located. Surely one of them would notice a different sound or feel in the wood (or ground, wherever the cellar is located)-- more of a hollow sound. That's why in World War II, the people who hid the Jews would line the secret rooms with bricks so that the Nazi's couldn't tell between the real wall and the fake wall.

I don't know how to explain myself without making an a$$ out of myself, but I am going to do it any ways. What's up with Vanwe? How is she turning into this superhero? She's not even a hero yet; she is too bloody weak and pathetic. To me, she's very weak --she's almost stagnant. She's predictable. Have I missed something here? I am going to list everything that you've said that seems to have come out of the blue:
1. "I can appreciate your concern and have no desire to engage in cliches with my own characters. We're of one mind there."
Was this discussed in a PM or something?
2. "For Vanwe to emerge as something more than a victim character, a cliche I wish to avoid, her abilities do have to start to come to the fore."
Vanwe is a victim character right now. She's been picked on by the entire world, according to her history. She can't do anything. That can make a really good character, but it's a little much right now. In this RPG, she hasn't used her abilities to sense things. Why is she so frightened in the cellar? You are having an effect without having a cause. Is it because her mother betrayed her?
3. "So, Vanwe's terrified reach, crude as it was, is the beginning."
What is this "terrified reach" you are talking about? Was it when she felt that terror well up inside her and she would have screamed if she had had the strength? That's hardly a gift. She didn't read anybody. Also, the Rangers were not sitting and doing nothing. From what I have read, Naiore is not someone to go rushing after rashly. She is a force that needs to be reckoned with. It would be foolhardy to go after Naiore so impetuously. Besides, it just seemed like they were taking a long time because it took a few days to post what really happened in just a few minutes. I don't think it would have been very smart to meet and then just to go after Naiore without comparing notes and making a logical decision based on those notes. Even Aragorn was leery to track the hobbits in the dark, and they were valued friends.
4. "So, rest assured, Vanwe is not developing into some superhero, multipowered character. But neither shall she be a passive victim. Vanwe's tendancy to underestimate herself is her main downfall. The sooner she uncovers her resources and begins to use them, the sooner shall she stand on her own feet."
Just because Vanwe underestimates herself doesn't mean she should just sit there, tied, without trying to do something to free herself. Heck, even Pippin tried to help by throwing away his Lorien brooch. Why isn't she doing anything? Why isn't she trying to find her mother and figure out what's going on?

Vanwe is stagnant.
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What can she do? Why is Naiore so concerned about her abilities?
That's why she needs to escape. She's been searching for Mom and Dad for years, through many dangers. Why is she giving up now? What happened to her carving knife? Why can't she cut her bonds with that? She doesn't have to cut the bonds that bind her hands. All she needs to do is cut her feet and crawl away. And now she doesn't even find the impetus to try and escape to find her mother?

Right now, in my opinion, this story lacks life. There is nothing to spice it up. We need suspense. Every story needs suspense. Right now, a reader can predict what's going to happen. But if Vanwe escapes for reasons within her character, the reader will be left in suspense. Will she find her way to Lespheria and tell them about Naiore, or will the love of her mother lead the rangers or Lespheria away? Will she run into her mother? And if Avanill captures her, will Avanill hang onto her or give her back to Ferny or Naiore? Right now Avanill is another stagnant character, through no fault of Everdawn. If Avanill captures Vanwe, there could be an interesting, maybe even humorous, flare of tempers between Ferny (who would of course pursue Vanwe in fear of Naiore) about who gets to keep Naiore's daughter. But this is up to Elora what to do.

This is just my humble opinion. A classic theme in literature is the meeting/separation theme to create suspense. If any of you have watched the TV show "24," you'll know what I mean.

Right now Vanwe is doing the opposite of what she's been doing for her entire life. All she's been concerned about is finding her parents. Now her mother has drugged her and abandoned her in the hands of a swine like Ferney. Why? Naiore's actions have not been explained, no motive has been identified. Why is she so frightened of her daughter? It seems that Vanwe is giving up too easily from what I've learned of her character.

I'm sorry if I have offended you, Elora and the others, but I think this needed to be said.
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