[Child of the 7th Age]

Cami's eyes grew wider and wider as she listened to Mithadan's response to Gamba. The woman had no quarrel with the lad for seeing misery and wanting to help out. She could certainly understand that kind of spontaneous feeling. If she had seen the chained men, she probably would have felt the same.

The Man, however, was a different matter. From the beginning of the voyage until the end, Mithadan had warned her in a hundred different ways that they must not tamper with the threads of time. How many times had she listened to his droning lectures?

She had finally reached the point where she actually believed him. If someone had asked her whether the Star should do this or that, she would have shaken her head sadly no. Then she would have explained how they must protect the threads of time as Nienna had implored that distant day so many months ago. And that must stand even if the end result was great sorrow and longing.

Then she had come to Beleriand and learned that she must give up one who meant more to her than any other. And that giving up was very hard indeed. There was not a day that went by in which she didn't mourn her loss. But still, she had not questioned Ancalimon, or argued against her bittersweet doom. Just as the Man had said, there was to be no pulling of the threads of time outside the narrow path of the mission.

But today she had sat and heard a different tale. Mithadan had evidently been thinking for some time about stepping in and taking an active role in the rescue of the Faithful. They were his ancestors, his kin, good and decent people who deserved a chance at life. Gamba's chance encounter with the storeroom door had given him every pretext he needed to forge ahead. And no one could question his motives. For to rescue good people from shame and death was an excellent and honorable thing.

And now the hobbits had asked her to say if she agreed with Mithadan in this matter. What could she possibly say?

Cami stood up and walked out of the meeting, and squatted down in one of the side chambers. Tears streaked down her face. She had certainly been a fool, she thought. Her own desire to stay on Tol Fuin was as honorable and justified as any other cause. The hobbits had just been released from prison. They needed someone with her skills and dedication to help put all the pieces back together again. Even Ancalimon had acknowledged that fact. She could have stayed and done so much good, and she could have been so very, very happy.

Instead, she was left with a dull emptiness, and the assurance that she had sacrificed and done the right thing in protecting the fabric of time and following the dictates of the Valar. Yet, when she looked at Mithadan, happy with his wife and children soon to be, and going ahead with plans to rescue the Men, she thought maybe she had made the wrong choice. For one wild instant, Cami thought of comandeering the Star and pointing it back towards Tol Fuin in those first years of the Second Age. She would forget the silly restrictions of the threads and take the beautiful things she wanted in her hands just as the Man was seeking to do.

Rose left the meeting and glared at Mithadan. She ran down to the alcove where she could hear Cami sniffling. The two of them had talked about this problem so many times that Rose instantly knew the reason for her friend's despair.

Cami hugged Rose, and buried her head in her shoulder, "I'll be alright. I promise. It's not really his fault. He made the best decision he could, and so did I. Only mine seems so hard sometimes. If he can do it, if he can pull the threads to bring such happiness to so many in that prison, and still bring joy to his wife and family, how could I possibly question him?"

For the first time in her life, Cami understood the sadness that lay behind the name "Little Andreth", and, like Andreth, there was nothing she could say or do to change the seal of her doom. She knew enough to understand that her own life had seen its own small store of riches. Many had walked a tougher road than her own. Yet she still could not comprehend why one person should find things so easy, and another meet only hardship along the way. She wondered who doled these portions out.

She turned to Rose. "Tell Loremaster that I respect and honor the choice that Mithadan has made, and that they must do whatever he says. And tell Mithadan. Tell him that I ask only one thing, that he will respect my choice not to return to the ship on the night of the rescue. I will stay here with my people." And for the first time Cami wondered if she would ever leave the tombs or see the light of the stars again.

[ October 23, 2002: Message edited by: Child of the 7th Age ]