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Originally Posted by Huinesoron
Singability confirmed, and I'm just about back to the point where I can sing it (at least for some random sections of the day, ho hum). I don't know the tune or lyrics yet, but that's every song until we get onto it!
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Hurray!
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Originally Posted by Hui
One lyric thought: "But only thanks to your account tonight" sounds a bit like Finrod's running a business meeting. How does "But only thanks to what you've shared tonight" work? Or "But now with what you've shared with me tonight"? (I've just tried putting both 'at last' and 'I see' into this line... um, no, those are both in the next one!)
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Certainly not the best line of the song, but I haven't given it much thought. I think what bothers me about "shared" is it emphasizes what I don't like about "account" - that it's about what Beren
says. But it's more about what Beren
is. If it could be shortened, it would be simply "But only now, thanks to you, I see at last etc". The difference? I think it's more than just what Beren says, especially in the musical; while the story, yes, is relayed by words, it's not really about anything Beren says in particular but about what he does and intends to do and just the way he treats an impossible love story.
This is not thought out at all, but "But only thanks to meeting you tonight". Uggh. No. I'll have to think about it for more than 5 minutes.
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Originally Posted by Hui
EDIT: I've managed to scrape together a rough cut of the Dream audio, using your original Luthien and obviously without her part at the end. Other than the obvious lack of enough breath (I think I had to break 'a-lone' with a breath in there somewhere!), any comments or mis-sung lines?
I'm still not sure what to do about the 'no purpose/purposeless' line. Both versions seem one syllable short - you can hear me sing "pur-pose-le-ess". I almost want to switch the word out and do something like "I... am lost and lonely without you" (though is it too cheeky to quote Jareth the Goblin King where Seraphim's hair can hear?). Or am I parsing the line all wrong? |
Aha! I know why it comes out "purposle-es". You sing "without" as 2 syllables, but I sing it as 3, which would make both versions work better.
For the singing, I think you will make a great Beren! ^.^ I think the breath for the final lines of these stanzas is quite challenging, I struggled with it too.
Melody-wise, my only note would be that you are trying to sing the top melody (=Luthien) in the final stanza, which would work out in the end except for the last "battle". Beren's melody doesn't do any high jumps there, he follows the melody with small steps up... I think I've recorded it somewhere, but if not, I can do one again later today. But now, gotta run for work, I am late!