View Single Post
Old 07-23-2020, 09:37 AM   #156
Galadriel55
Blossom of Dwimordene
 
Galadriel55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,299
Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huinesoron View Post
What were you thinking, friend
Whose kin I owe my freedom?
What aid can I now lend
Son of the Younger Children?


Both Finrods put huge emphasis on that last line; is it possible to swap the 'children' and 'freedom' lines somehow? I can't work out a way to do it without going full Yoda (What aid can I you lend').
There is the first version which I had, something like:
What would you have of me
Son of the Younger People [inaccurate term]
To whom in time of need
I pay with service equal!


There might also be a way to swap without Yoda. Easier said than done, I realize as I'm sitting here for several minutes without progress. Might be easier to redo the freedom line.

What were you thinking, friend,
Son of the Younger Children?
What aid can I now lend
To pay for my gained freedom!


I don't like that last one, it sounds very transactional, and Finrod would never put a "stop" on the debt he owes. But maybe that line can be reworked to make sense.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hui
I would fain fulfill the will of another, > 'of her father'.
Hmm, okay. I really like how in Russian it emphasizes that it's not Beren's will but he'll do it anyways. But I guess that's not something that translated well anyways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hui
This thought leads to a tomb > 'This/your thought/plan'? And perhaps 'my tomb'?
Your/plan all work. I think I like "your thought" but "this plan" better.

I think Finrod means everyone's tomb. He talks about his own chalice later, but here I think he just points out the absurdity of the idea for all involved.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hui
If you have loved until > 'had'. Beren is saying 'If you had, then you would'.
Thank you, my Lord of Proper Grammar!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hui
(Three guesses as to where my subtitling has reached; first two don't count.)
The bogs in the Fen of Serech, by the sound of it.
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera
Galadriel55 is offline   Reply With Quote