View Single Post
Old 07-12-2020, 08:14 PM   #82
Galadriel55
Blossom of Dwimordene
 
Galadriel55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,299
Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
The cool part of the Epilogue: a very rough draft

I am not too happy with how it sounds at the moment, but I am posting it to put it out there as a draft in progress, and I would need to save it in some form anyways. This melody is the same as Luthien's theme, however Galadriel ditches the rhyming scheme. She rhymes lines #3/4 consistently, and has an inconsistent #1/5. I took it in my head that I could improve the rhyming scheme and at the very least have a good 1/5, but evidently I have learned nothing from The Silmarillion. I got to the point where I was gonna ditch the 1/5 rhymes altogether and just go for good imagery, but then told myself it might be worth hammering at that nail for a little while longer before I give up.




Ours - the harbours of the sky-bound ships *
Yours - the greeting of the coming dawn
Where stronger than all chains and bonds
Beyond all oaths, all words above [above all words?]
A single Law to rule the world: the Law of Love

Ours - the salt of sea-spray on the wind
Yours - the love that's larger than the world
And if in this new world's account [eeeeh, maybe?]
Love is the only Law that counts
Our tale was nothing but a brief prologue to it!

Ours - of ships departed fading shade [the shadow of departed ships --> no rhyme]
Yours - the ringing grasses of the spring
And if in this new world's account
Love is the only Law that counts
We were but dawn, while you're the light of sun-filled day!

Ours - is the safekeeping of your dreams **
Yours - the vast and dazzling universe
And even then, in shadowed hall
You'll take from mightiest of all
Your final gift, your greatest gift, the Gift of Love! [of Love itself?]



* Is that better for not quite literal sky flying? Or "sky-borne"? Also, it could just be "the harbours of the sky-ships ?", where there is another 1 syllable filler at the end. If they can be described as "tall", I could rhyme that with the last line, "love above all" or something.

** "For us - to stand on guard of your dreams [/sleep]". I LOVE that line! Does this stanza seem to you to almost be breaking the fourth wall in a way, going meta: the mythical characters guarding readers from nightmares, guiding them on the "right path", and saying that the readers' story still lies ahead, so go conquer the universe! Galadriel is talking to B&L, and she is talking to the readers; the Elves kept the ancient evils of the world at bay to make it habitable for mortals and became a guiding light in their legends, and the characters become legends and guides for readers; she is referring to both Morgoth and Mandos and whatever drives fate on its path - and I don't think I am doing it justice.
__________________
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera
Galadriel55 is offline   Reply With Quote