[Huinesoron]

I also got the NuLetters for Christmas, and wanted to take a look at the letter mentioned in the article Bethberry linked. I don't think the article gives the number, but it's 38a.

What seems to have happened is that Michael Tolkien's regiment had moved, and Michael had written to his girlfriend "A." (not his future wife, who he would meet the next year) to tell her of the move. She had passed the news on to her family, who (living near the Tolkiens) had mentioned it to them - before they heard it from Michael. Edith then wrote to Michael; JRRT wasn't privy to what she said, but Michael's reply a) was clearly a grovelling apology, and b) mentioned that Edith had been very negative about his relationship with A. It seems Michael also felt his father disapproved of A., though this may be from previous contact between them. So JRRT is writing to smooth things over and try to restore what he thinks should be proper family relations.

The review is right that JRRT doesn't come over that well in 38a. His comments on why his son might feel a bit peeved at him range between self-righteous and the classic "oh haha I was only joking":

I am so glad you wrote to me out of your heart: you (and J and C) don't open out to me enough. You would probably usually get a spot of comfort, if you did. I daresay with my jesting I am a bit forbidding and give the impression of being critical and apt to think things ridiculous; but it is not so really. [...]

As for your gratitude to me, and your sense of unworthiness: God bless you. You do (from your point of view) owe me a lot. [...] Every good father deserves the fraternal friendship of his sons when they grow up.

His non-apologies for what seem to be his own previous words paint a rather grim picture:

I was neither angry nor grieved with you [...]. Let us get this straight: I do not and never have felt your love for A. ridiculous. [...] You shall certainly never be forbidden by me to write to A., and to see her.

(The latter may not be a reference to something he had threatened; it would surprise me, given JRRT's own agonies over being kept away from Edith.)

His advice on romance is probably fine, though I doubt "either of you might change so don't count on it lasting" sank in. And then we come to his comments on Edith, which are indeed pretty bad. The general commentary on mothers is eeeesh:

As for your dear mother: you have to realise that you are now up against a fundamental difficulty of life, which needs care and tact. Women are often far less introspective than men, and apt to understand their own motives very little. Sons are peculiarly dear to mothers, although it often takes the transformed shape of being critical and censorious. Also when another woman comes on the scene, they feel a certain jealousy (the jealousy of age for youth and of one woman for another competitor for the love of lover or son) which few of them are aware of, and only the most saintly are able to control.

Jeepers flying Cripes, professor! Oh wait, maybe he's only "jesting"?

Then we come to the passage that formed the centre of the article, and... basically... it's fine?

In her case there are several other considerations. First of all her not practicing her religion which in her heart of hearts (now rather hidden under the sad years) sets up a discord which makes her not really happy, and so irritable. Then for a long time she has been going through the process known as the "change of life" - it is sometimes slow and difficult as in her case, sometimes quicker and easier - when a woman ceases physically to be fit for childbearing, and her whole physical economy has to be readjusted. It makes them nervously unstable; and often hardly accountable for their sudden feelings. And now just when this was settling down, she has been attacked by neuritis. All her nerves are on a tingle, and she is both in pain often, and physically irritable. It has been worse again for the last week. Try and forgive and forget all the past. Pray for her.

It seems pretty clear that Tolkien is repeating what he's been told here, probably by the family physician the article admits to for the "neuritis" section. "Fit" is of course a perfectly standard word for indicating whether one can physically do something (I am not fit to drive a train, because I'm colourblind; that's not a value judgement). In context, "physical economy" seems to mean "biological systems" - ie, Edith's hormonal balances are shifting. I don't know to what extent it is "replete with common misconceptions", but the symptoms JRRT mentions - nervous instability and mood swings - are some of those cited by Wikipedia (with three citations!) as common symptoms.

Does it still come across a bit condescending? In light of the previous passage about women's lack of introspection, yes. But all the parts about how Michael needs to forgive and forget are not Edith being "blatantly objectified, and perhaps even infantilised" - they're JRRT trying to keep his son from holding a grudge after Edith bit his head off. And it's not all negative:

You three boys all seem to have a decent share of courage and guts. You owe that to your mother.

The letter also includes some of Tolkien's thoughts on WWII, and on his own service as a soldier in WWI; and the tidbit that Edith had a really rough birth with John, while JRRT wasn't even able to be there. But that's out of scope for the article we're looking at, so I think I'll stop here.

God bless you. There is nothing you can do, except be frank, and keep a supply of stamps on you!

hS