[Aiwendil]

On the subject of the provenance of the texts, I agree with Findegil.

BL-RG-00.7: I don’t really agree that “magic” must be purely negative in its connotations. I’m not sure about “by masons”, though. The imagery in the poem is one of a forest of real trees being petrified, turned to stone. Yes, in reality they were carved by masons, but what the poem is saying is that they are like towers of an enchanted wood, made fast by magic.

“So crafted fast forever bound” doesn’t work for me, either; I’m not quite sure how it fits grammatically, and again it loses the point of the imagery, which is of a forest having been turned to stone.

BL-RG-08.5: I guess I can live with the spark/dark solution, though again, I also think that omitting the lines as we had earlier decided is fine.

BL-SL-03: I agree with Findegil here. I’d prefer to omit the couplet, unless a different solution can be found. The “grand/command” solution doesn’t work for me, I’m afraid. “Grand” is not the appropriate word here.

BL-EX-10: I’m not wholly convinced by either of these proposals.

First of all, I’m not sure what you mean, Elvellon, by “putting ‘Celegorm the fell’ and ‘sight that is given’ back in Finrod’s mouth. In the version previously adopted, both of these phrases are direct quotes from Finrod. However, your first couplet is an improvement over mine in terms of meter. I’m not sure about the “But lastly”, though. I think a slight improvement over your lines would be:

But Finrod, ere he bade farewell,
spoke thus: ‘To Celegorm the fell

“By thou” is wrong; it should be “by thee”.

I’m not sure about “from the reek”. I mean, yes, maybe it’s true that Angband is filled with noxious fumes, but since this hasn’t been brought up, it seems an odd way to refer to it. I recognize that “’neath the triple peak” is also clunky, but at least “triple peak” is a clear reference to Thangorodrim. Findegil’s version tries to avoid this, but “seek” and “indeed” fail to rhyme.

I don’t understand why you change “shall” to “will” in these lines:

will be delivered from the reek,
but never to your hands will fall.

“Shall”, with its implication of necessity, seems more appropriate for a foretelling of the future, a “doom” as it were.

Finally, I think the last line, “to another the bride-price of Luthien” is also too long.

I will try to take another crack at these lines tonight, but at least my earlier proposal could be slightly revised:

But Finrod, ere he bade farewell,
spoke thus: ‘To Celegorm the fell
I say, by sight received this hour,
by neither thine nor any power
shall thy kin the Jewels regain
before the end. All in vain
you swore. And this that we now seek
shall come from ‘neath the triple peak
but never to your hands shall fall.
Nay, your oath shall devour all
Fëanor’s sons, and to other care
Lúthien’s great bride-price bear.

BL-RG-22: I’m slightly hesitant about “purpose true”, but I suppose it’s fine. However, I do think we should retain “neither” instead of changing to “not”.

BL-RG-10.5: I’m afraid these lines don’t work for me. The “would go/follow” rhyme is very awkward, and the curse doesn’t lay “therein” but rather “thereon”. Also, the line “Celebrimbor rose and disclaimed” is a little metrically awkward. Let me think about these lines; I agree it would be nice to be able to include Celebrimbor’s renunciation here.

Apologies if I'm being a bit difficult about some of these lines, but I really do feel that we should be very careful about messing with Tolkien's verse, and I would generally rather omit some lines than have our amateurish poesy stick out line a sore thumb.

Edited to add: Sorry, I started writing this post before the last two posts from Findegil and Elvellon, but I've edited to add my thoughts on additional proposals from them.